good and satirical article needs to be shared
From: SGP_Citizen 8:41 am
The Singapore’s Government April Fools’ Joke
Forget those silly pranks you used to play on this day on your classmates when you were young, carefree and completely politically apathetic. You didn’t care who was the President since he didn’t have any real power, neither did you care who was the Prime Minister because you knew you could never be one, for obvious reasons. However, in 2009, April Fools’ Day has been designated an official Day.
How so?
Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew, sorry I meant Lee Hsien Loong, has “reshuffled his Cabinet” to carry out “leadership renewal”. When “leadership renewal” is mentioned, the first thought in most people’s minds will be the retirement of several old leaders, and new blood being brought up. Unfortunately, for Singapore’s politics, retirement of leaders usually means becoming Senior Minister.
Professor S Jayakumar will relinquish his appointment as Deputy Prime Minister. He will be appointed as Senior Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office and will continue as Co-ordinating Minister for National Security.
When I saw this, I was completely astonished and touched by the increased burden on Prof Jayakumar’s shoulders. Not only does he need to fight for more islands other than Pedra Blanca, he has to take up the burden of being the SM, and be some minister coordinating something somewhere. On behalf of all Singaporeans, I humbly urge the Government to INCREASE HIS PAY THREE FOLD given that he has taken up new portfolios. After all, talent must be retained and we need to pay the best. Otherwise, Jayakumar will “up stakes” and join the private sector, and you would have lost “Pedra Blanca, and your wives, daughters and sisters will become maids on that island”.
“You know, the cure for all this talk is really a good dose of incompetent government. You get that alternative and you’ll never put Singapore together again: Humpty Dumpty cannot be put together again… and your asset values will disappear, your apartment will be worth a fraction of what it is, your jobs will be in peril, your security will be at risk and our women will become maids in other people’s countries, foreign workers.” - Lee Kuan Yew, only Minister Mentor God.
Only one has retired from government completely.So much for “leadership renewal”.
Dr Lee Boon Yang will relinquish his appointment as Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts and retire from the Government.
In his place, we have the very stern and serious looking no-joke Lui Tuck Yew taking up this extremely serious business of cleaning up the naughty wild-wild west cyberspace. Goebbels, Nazi Propaganda Minister, would have been proud of Lui Tuck Yew. Bloggers like me will be going for some classes on nation building soon.
Mr Lui Tuck Yew, Senior Minister of State, will relinquish his appointment in Education and will be appointed as Acting Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts.
Mr Teo Chee Hean will be appointed as Deputy Prime Minister. He will be the Acting Prime Minister in the absence of the Prime Minister. He will continue as Minister for Defence.
Mr Teo, I am still awaiting SAF’s investigation into Dr Allan Ooi’s death and how Straits Times managed to mis-represent SAF and spread unfounded rumours. Do act on it please.At the same time, I also urge the Government to give Mr Teo a pay rise. Look at how many appointments he is holding, oh gosh.
But the real joke comes. You would think that the Government Service might take such an opportunity to trim and snip at deadwoods, people who walk around talking through their teeth and not making any sense. Unfortunately, you are dead wrong. Prime Minister’s Office just got bloated.
Not 1 Senior Minister, but TWO. Not 2 Minister-without-Portfolio, but THREE. oh and Two Deputy Prime Ministers, and not forgetting Minister Mentor God.
Mr Lee Hsien Loong must be really facing a tough job governing 4.5 million people. In China, where they govern like 1 billion people, they only have 1 President, 1 Vice President and 1 Premier and 4 Vice Premiers. In Singapore, we have 1 President, 1 Prime Minister, 2 Deputy Prime Ministers, 2 Senior Ministers, 3 Ministers-without-Portfolios and last but definitely not least Minister Mentor God. really mind boggling, and to be honest, pretty funny.
Since PM Lee Hsien Loong is under so much stress that he needs so many helpers, let me help him for free in thinking about his new Cabinet renewal for 2010.
1. Minister Mentor God will be promoted to Minister Mentor God’s Mentor.
2. Senior Ministers will all move up to become Minister Mentors.
3. Ministers-without-Portfolio sounds terrible. They shall be renamed Minister-who-cannot-make-it-in-private-sector.
4. Deputy Prime Ministers will respectively be named as Anti-Terrorist Minister(reserved for Mr Wong Kan Seng) and War Minister(reserved for Mr Teo Chee Hian).
5. Prime Minister should be renamed as Real Prime Minister, to differentiate himself from the many other Ministers in his own Office.
6. All other Ministers will all be promoted to Real Prime Minister’s Deputies.
Given the expansion of the Prime Minister’s Office, as a responsible Singaporean, I urge the Government Service to start on the construction of a new building specially reserved for the entire Prime Minister’s Office. It should preferably be located in the CBD area, and ERP gantries(specially designed for people, instead of cars) put up everywhere so that protestors who are inclined to protest against the expensive deadwoods in Government will be taxed heavily before being caught.The building should be completely WHITE, to signify purity and incorruptibility and everything inside must be WHITE. Even the walls must be white, the lights must be white, the pens must be white, everything must be white. Guards should also wear white.
Oh and a pay rise for all Ministers is in order. The annual salary will calculated using the formula 1000^(number of portfolios), starting with the minimum salary of 1 million. So for a Minister with lots of Portfolios like Jayakumar there, he will be earning 1000×1000x1000= 1000million. Totally a bargain I say! Let’s have more portfolios, guys. Meritocracy at work here.
From: SGP_Citizen 8:41 am
The Singapore’s Government April Fools’ Joke
Forget those silly pranks you used to play on this day on your classmates when you were young, carefree and completely politically apathetic. You didn’t care who was the President since he didn’t have any real power, neither did you care who was the Prime Minister because you knew you could never be one, for obvious reasons. However, in 2009, April Fools’ Day has been designated an official Day.
How so?
Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew, sorry I meant Lee Hsien Loong, has “reshuffled his Cabinet” to carry out “leadership renewal”. When “leadership renewal” is mentioned, the first thought in most people’s minds will be the retirement of several old leaders, and new blood being brought up. Unfortunately, for Singapore’s politics, retirement of leaders usually means becoming Senior Minister.
Professor S Jayakumar will relinquish his appointment as Deputy Prime Minister. He will be appointed as Senior Minister in the Prime Minister’s Office and will continue as Co-ordinating Minister for National Security.
When I saw this, I was completely astonished and touched by the increased burden on Prof Jayakumar’s shoulders. Not only does he need to fight for more islands other than Pedra Blanca, he has to take up the burden of being the SM, and be some minister coordinating something somewhere. On behalf of all Singaporeans, I humbly urge the Government to INCREASE HIS PAY THREE FOLD given that he has taken up new portfolios. After all, talent must be retained and we need to pay the best. Otherwise, Jayakumar will “up stakes” and join the private sector, and you would have lost “Pedra Blanca, and your wives, daughters and sisters will become maids on that island”.
“You know, the cure for all this talk is really a good dose of incompetent government. You get that alternative and you’ll never put Singapore together again: Humpty Dumpty cannot be put together again… and your asset values will disappear, your apartment will be worth a fraction of what it is, your jobs will be in peril, your security will be at risk and our women will become maids in other people’s countries, foreign workers.” - Lee Kuan Yew, only Minister Mentor God.
Only one has retired from government completely.So much for “leadership renewal”.
Dr Lee Boon Yang will relinquish his appointment as Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts and retire from the Government.
In his place, we have the very stern and serious looking no-joke Lui Tuck Yew taking up this extremely serious business of cleaning up the naughty wild-wild west cyberspace. Goebbels, Nazi Propaganda Minister, would have been proud of Lui Tuck Yew. Bloggers like me will be going for some classes on nation building soon.
Mr Lui Tuck Yew, Senior Minister of State, will relinquish his appointment in Education and will be appointed as Acting Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts.
Mr Teo Chee Hean will be appointed as Deputy Prime Minister. He will be the Acting Prime Minister in the absence of the Prime Minister. He will continue as Minister for Defence.
Mr Teo, I am still awaiting SAF’s investigation into Dr Allan Ooi’s death and how Straits Times managed to mis-represent SAF and spread unfounded rumours. Do act on it please.At the same time, I also urge the Government to give Mr Teo a pay rise. Look at how many appointments he is holding, oh gosh.
But the real joke comes. You would think that the Government Service might take such an opportunity to trim and snip at deadwoods, people who walk around talking through their teeth and not making any sense. Unfortunately, you are dead wrong. Prime Minister’s Office just got bloated.
Not 1 Senior Minister, but TWO. Not 2 Minister-without-Portfolio, but THREE. oh and Two Deputy Prime Ministers, and not forgetting Minister Mentor God.
Mr Lee Hsien Loong must be really facing a tough job governing 4.5 million people. In China, where they govern like 1 billion people, they only have 1 President, 1 Vice President and 1 Premier and 4 Vice Premiers. In Singapore, we have 1 President, 1 Prime Minister, 2 Deputy Prime Ministers, 2 Senior Ministers, 3 Ministers-without-Portfolios and last but definitely not least Minister Mentor God. really mind boggling, and to be honest, pretty funny.
Since PM Lee Hsien Loong is under so much stress that he needs so many helpers, let me help him for free in thinking about his new Cabinet renewal for 2010.
1. Minister Mentor God will be promoted to Minister Mentor God’s Mentor.
2. Senior Ministers will all move up to become Minister Mentors.
3. Ministers-without-Portfolio sounds terrible. They shall be renamed Minister-who-cannot-make-it-in-private-sector.
4. Deputy Prime Ministers will respectively be named as Anti-Terrorist Minister(reserved for Mr Wong Kan Seng) and War Minister(reserved for Mr Teo Chee Hian).
5. Prime Minister should be renamed as Real Prime Minister, to differentiate himself from the many other Ministers in his own Office.
6. All other Ministers will all be promoted to Real Prime Minister’s Deputies.
Given the expansion of the Prime Minister’s Office, as a responsible Singaporean, I urge the Government Service to start on the construction of a new building specially reserved for the entire Prime Minister’s Office. It should preferably be located in the CBD area, and ERP gantries(specially designed for people, instead of cars) put up everywhere so that protestors who are inclined to protest against the expensive deadwoods in Government will be taxed heavily before being caught.The building should be completely WHITE, to signify purity and incorruptibility and everything inside must be WHITE. Even the walls must be white, the lights must be white, the pens must be white, everything must be white. Guards should also wear white.
Oh and a pay rise for all Ministers is in order. The annual salary will calculated using the formula 1000^(number of portfolios), starting with the minimum salary of 1 million. So for a Minister with lots of Portfolios like Jayakumar there, he will be earning 1000×1000x1000= 1000million. Totally a bargain I say! Let’s have more portfolios, guys. Meritocracy at work here.
