http://tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,204265,00.html?
Worried about hapless mums and wily mistresses, more adult children are hiring private investigators to spy on dads
Get us proof of dad's affair
By Tay Shi'an
June 07, 2009
--TNP PHOTO ILLUSTRATION: MOHD ISHAK
A WOMAN goes into a private investigator's (PI's) office and blurts out: 'He's seeing a woman outside. Find out who she is.'
A typical scene, it would seem. Except that the woman is not the man's wife - it's his daughter.
Some PIs are reporting a small but growing number of adult children hiring them to investigate their fathers' sexual dalliances.
In some rare cases, they help their dads investigate their mum's affairs.
PI Ponno Kalastree said: 'Nowadays, I can safely say that for 20 per cent of the cases, the children get involved. It used to be zero. And the percentage is growing every year.'
Fellow PI Lionel de Souza said he already has three cases of sons and daughters hiring him to investigate their fathers so far this year.
He said: 'That's not in character. It's usually the wife.'
The scenarios vary. It could be cases of fathers cheating on mothers, with mistresses either in Singapore or overseas.
Besotted widowers
Or, widower fathers suddenly besotted by young flames.
The children's motivations vary with each scenario.
RISING TREND: Private eye Ponno Kalastree said children want their dads' checked in one-fifth of the cases he sees. --TNP FILE PICTURE
When dads cheat, the children are usually driven by anger over how he has wronged mum.
Said PI T Mogan: 'They feel it's unfair to their mother, who should not suffer at her age.'
The children may be spurred to action because the mothers themselves may be reluctant to pursue the matter.
Mr Mogan said that typically, the mothers are of the older generation and traditional in their ways.
'They think, 'I'm old, I'll just live with it, for the sake of family cohesiveness',' he said.
But the children are more likely to jump to legal means and push for their mother to seek a divorce, because they themselves would not be able to tolerate such a betrayal.
Hiring a PI then serves to gather evidence to be used against dad in the divorce.
Added Mr Kalastree: 'Children now are more educated than their parents. They want to protect their mother's or father's interest. They know the law, they know that PIs can expedite the matter if they are able to get the correct evidence.'
He recalled a case, where initial investigations did not manage to uncover any hard evidence. The mum wanted to give it up. But the children insisted on continuing, saying: 'Don't worry, we'll pay for it.'
As for widower dads, the children may fear that a sweet young thing could cheat him out of his money.
Mr Kalastree said that with so many foreign women coming to Singapore, such cases have become more common.
He said: 'Of course they want to earn extra money and take advantage, especially of older men.'
Mr de Souza said some women offer no-strings-attached relationships to entice the men.
'Some even say, 'No need to marry me. Just keep me, every month give me an allowance',' he said.
This gives them a way to worm themselves into the elderly man's pockets.
The men may then find themselves sending monthly remittances to China, Thailand, or whichever country their young flames are from, for their families.
Some men may become guarantors for loan sharks, out of love for the women, said Mr de Souza.
The children may also fear for the family's assets.
Said Mr de Souza: 'They are scared the father will transfer everything to the (other woman).'
Then, the children and their mother may be left with nothing.
Though their actions serve to help the betrayed spouse and children, some PIs admitted they are uncomfortable with such cases.
It is sometimes awkward for the children - after all, they are having their father's sex life investigated.
Then, there's the notion that they are helping children spy on and go after their fathers.
Mr Kalastree said: 'When the children engage us, we won't want to entertain them unless the mother gets involved.'
He explained that in a divorce case, his client ultimately is the mother and not the children, and it's for her that his investigators will testify in court.
If it appears the woman is being pressured by her children and is not willing to proceed, 'we act as social counsellors, we tell them to go back and think about it,' he said.
He felt that ultimately, children should not forget the matrimonial bond, and should leave the final decision on divorce to the parents.
He said: 'We don't reject clients, because we are in the business. But we don't just grab them and ask them to commit. The mother might not be in the right frame of mind to decide.
'If we assess the case and see that the poor mother is going to lose out, we will do the job.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Children exposed China girlfriend's student disguise
HE is a retiree and widower, 63, with three grown children.
His wife died from an illness three years ago.
Earlier this year, some of his friends approached his daughter.
'Be careful,' they said. 'Your father is involved with a woman from China. We're worried he might get cheated.'
The woman, a 26-year-old from Xiamen, is younger than two of the man's three children.
She had met the man at People's Park, where he was hanging out with fellow retirees.
She claimed to be a student at a private school here, and portrayed herself as a good girl who would take care of him.
The children were worried. They knew their father had a little nest egg. He lived in a maisonette that was fully paid for, and had his CPF and insurance money.
But the children didn't know how to talk to their father and convince him that the woman was up to no good, when his own friends could not do so.
They also found a $500 remittance slip in their father's room, and were worried it was just the tip of the iceberg.
So they turned to PI and ex-cop Lionel de Souza from LJ Investigation & Consultancy Services.
He found that the girl was not a student as she claimed, but was working at a KTV lounge and a foot reflexology place.
Armed with the incriminating photos, the children confronted their father.
Mr de Souza was present when they did so, to act as an intermediary.
'They were afraid he would be angry with them for doing things behind his back,' he said.
But the man was disappointed by the woman's deception, and broke off his relationship with her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They helped mum get proof of affair
THE well-to-do man in his late 40s often travelled to China on 'business or work', leaving his wife and two grown daughters behind in their condo unit.
His family suspected he was having an affair.
One daughter, in her mid-20s, engaged private investigator Ponno Kalastree, managing director of Mainguard International, late last year to get evidence that her father was involved with another woman.
Said the PI: 'The children must have seen their mother very sad and unhappy. They wanted to find the evidence, then help their mother file for divorce.'
She is a housewife in her 40s.
Said Mr Kalastree: 'My sense was, when they came to my office, the mother was more quiet, and the children took charge. They became their mother's spokesperson.'
The firm's investigators managed to trail the man from Singapore to China.
There, they found out he had been keeping a mistress in Shanghai, and were able to get evidence of him committing adultery.
The mum then used the evidence to file for divorce.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Widower's Batam trips worried kids
HE was a retired civil servant in his 60s who lived in landed property.
Three years after his wife died, his adult son and daughter approached Mr C N Rajan, managing director of Prime Security Services.
They were concerned about their father's activities. He was constantly going overseas, to places like Batam, and they were scared he would get swindled by the young women there.
There was one complication - the children had previously engaged another PI, but their dad found out he was being followed and had a big confrontation with them.
It got ugly - the son blamed his father for not being faithful to his late wife's memory. The father argued that she was no longer around.
The daughter had also found his bank statements, showing thousands of dollars of withdrawals each month.
Mr Rajan waited one month for the father's suspicions to die down before starting investigations.
His staff took a ferry and followed the man to various Indonesian islands three times in one month.
They found out that he would go to the islands for food and massages. He would also go to pubs, picking a different girl each time.
When Mr Rajan presented the photographs to the children, he said the son was relieved.
He was more worried his father would get attached to one woman.
Said Mr Rajan: 'He didn't want his father to end up marrying a prostitute and moving there.
'But if he wanted to have some fun, okay. As long as he didn't get entangled with somebody.'
Mr Rajan said that ultimately, the two children loved their father and didn't want him to get hurt.
Worried about hapless mums and wily mistresses, more adult children are hiring private investigators to spy on dads
Get us proof of dad's affair
By Tay Shi'an
June 07, 2009
--TNP PHOTO ILLUSTRATION: MOHD ISHAK
A WOMAN goes into a private investigator's (PI's) office and blurts out: 'He's seeing a woman outside. Find out who she is.'
A typical scene, it would seem. Except that the woman is not the man's wife - it's his daughter.
Some PIs are reporting a small but growing number of adult children hiring them to investigate their fathers' sexual dalliances.
In some rare cases, they help their dads investigate their mum's affairs.
PI Ponno Kalastree said: 'Nowadays, I can safely say that for 20 per cent of the cases, the children get involved. It used to be zero. And the percentage is growing every year.'
Fellow PI Lionel de Souza said he already has three cases of sons and daughters hiring him to investigate their fathers so far this year.
He said: 'That's not in character. It's usually the wife.'
The scenarios vary. It could be cases of fathers cheating on mothers, with mistresses either in Singapore or overseas.
Besotted widowers
Or, widower fathers suddenly besotted by young flames.
The children's motivations vary with each scenario.
RISING TREND: Private eye Ponno Kalastree said children want their dads' checked in one-fifth of the cases he sees. --TNP FILE PICTURE
When dads cheat, the children are usually driven by anger over how he has wronged mum.
Said PI T Mogan: 'They feel it's unfair to their mother, who should not suffer at her age.'
The children may be spurred to action because the mothers themselves may be reluctant to pursue the matter.
Mr Mogan said that typically, the mothers are of the older generation and traditional in their ways.
'They think, 'I'm old, I'll just live with it, for the sake of family cohesiveness',' he said.
But the children are more likely to jump to legal means and push for their mother to seek a divorce, because they themselves would not be able to tolerate such a betrayal.
Hiring a PI then serves to gather evidence to be used against dad in the divorce.
Added Mr Kalastree: 'Children now are more educated than their parents. They want to protect their mother's or father's interest. They know the law, they know that PIs can expedite the matter if they are able to get the correct evidence.'
He recalled a case, where initial investigations did not manage to uncover any hard evidence. The mum wanted to give it up. But the children insisted on continuing, saying: 'Don't worry, we'll pay for it.'
As for widower dads, the children may fear that a sweet young thing could cheat him out of his money.
Mr Kalastree said that with so many foreign women coming to Singapore, such cases have become more common.
He said: 'Of course they want to earn extra money and take advantage, especially of older men.'
Mr de Souza said some women offer no-strings-attached relationships to entice the men.
'Some even say, 'No need to marry me. Just keep me, every month give me an allowance',' he said.
This gives them a way to worm themselves into the elderly man's pockets.
The men may then find themselves sending monthly remittances to China, Thailand, or whichever country their young flames are from, for their families.
Some men may become guarantors for loan sharks, out of love for the women, said Mr de Souza.
The children may also fear for the family's assets.
Said Mr de Souza: 'They are scared the father will transfer everything to the (other woman).'
Then, the children and their mother may be left with nothing.
Though their actions serve to help the betrayed spouse and children, some PIs admitted they are uncomfortable with such cases.
It is sometimes awkward for the children - after all, they are having their father's sex life investigated.
Then, there's the notion that they are helping children spy on and go after their fathers.
Mr Kalastree said: 'When the children engage us, we won't want to entertain them unless the mother gets involved.'
He explained that in a divorce case, his client ultimately is the mother and not the children, and it's for her that his investigators will testify in court.
If it appears the woman is being pressured by her children and is not willing to proceed, 'we act as social counsellors, we tell them to go back and think about it,' he said.
He felt that ultimately, children should not forget the matrimonial bond, and should leave the final decision on divorce to the parents.
He said: 'We don't reject clients, because we are in the business. But we don't just grab them and ask them to commit. The mother might not be in the right frame of mind to decide.
'If we assess the case and see that the poor mother is going to lose out, we will do the job.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Children exposed China girlfriend's student disguise
HE is a retiree and widower, 63, with three grown children.
His wife died from an illness three years ago.
Earlier this year, some of his friends approached his daughter.
'Be careful,' they said. 'Your father is involved with a woman from China. We're worried he might get cheated.'
The woman, a 26-year-old from Xiamen, is younger than two of the man's three children.
She had met the man at People's Park, where he was hanging out with fellow retirees.
She claimed to be a student at a private school here, and portrayed herself as a good girl who would take care of him.
The children were worried. They knew their father had a little nest egg. He lived in a maisonette that was fully paid for, and had his CPF and insurance money.
But the children didn't know how to talk to their father and convince him that the woman was up to no good, when his own friends could not do so.
They also found a $500 remittance slip in their father's room, and were worried it was just the tip of the iceberg.
So they turned to PI and ex-cop Lionel de Souza from LJ Investigation & Consultancy Services.
He found that the girl was not a student as she claimed, but was working at a KTV lounge and a foot reflexology place.
Armed with the incriminating photos, the children confronted their father.
Mr de Souza was present when they did so, to act as an intermediary.
'They were afraid he would be angry with them for doing things behind his back,' he said.
But the man was disappointed by the woman's deception, and broke off his relationship with her.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They helped mum get proof of affair
THE well-to-do man in his late 40s often travelled to China on 'business or work', leaving his wife and two grown daughters behind in their condo unit.
His family suspected he was having an affair.
One daughter, in her mid-20s, engaged private investigator Ponno Kalastree, managing director of Mainguard International, late last year to get evidence that her father was involved with another woman.
Said the PI: 'The children must have seen their mother very sad and unhappy. They wanted to find the evidence, then help their mother file for divorce.'
She is a housewife in her 40s.
Said Mr Kalastree: 'My sense was, when they came to my office, the mother was more quiet, and the children took charge. They became their mother's spokesperson.'
The firm's investigators managed to trail the man from Singapore to China.
There, they found out he had been keeping a mistress in Shanghai, and were able to get evidence of him committing adultery.
The mum then used the evidence to file for divorce.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Widower's Batam trips worried kids
HE was a retired civil servant in his 60s who lived in landed property.
Three years after his wife died, his adult son and daughter approached Mr C N Rajan, managing director of Prime Security Services.
They were concerned about their father's activities. He was constantly going overseas, to places like Batam, and they were scared he would get swindled by the young women there.
There was one complication - the children had previously engaged another PI, but their dad found out he was being followed and had a big confrontation with them.
It got ugly - the son blamed his father for not being faithful to his late wife's memory. The father argued that she was no longer around.
The daughter had also found his bank statements, showing thousands of dollars of withdrawals each month.
Mr Rajan waited one month for the father's suspicions to die down before starting investigations.
His staff took a ferry and followed the man to various Indonesian islands three times in one month.
They found out that he would go to the islands for food and massages. He would also go to pubs, picking a different girl each time.
When Mr Rajan presented the photographs to the children, he said the son was relieved.
He was more worried his father would get attached to one woman.
Said Mr Rajan: 'He didn't want his father to end up marrying a prostitute and moving there.
'But if he wanted to have some fun, okay. As long as he didn't get entangled with somebody.'
Mr Rajan said that ultimately, the two children loved their father and didn't want him to get hurt.
