Fluid Bonding: What It Means, Benefits, Risks, and How to Do It
www.menshealth.com
"FLUID BONDING" might sound like a scientific term for “swapping spit,” but it’s a little more complicated than that.
“Fluid bonding is the consensual act of not using barrier methods such as condoms and dental dams when engaging in sexual inter- and outercourse,” says Shanae Adams, MA, LPCC, CIGT, who teaches sex education workshops for adults and youth.
When sexual partners decide to fluid bond, it means they don’t use any safer sex barriers during oral, vaginal, or anal sex. Without those barriers, fluid-bonded partners exchange bodily fluids such as vaginal secretions, seminal fluid, saliva, and menstrual blood during sex.
Even if you don’t use the term “fluid-bonded” to describe your relationship, you might be engaging in this practice already. “Most monogamous [and] married couples are fluid bonded, even if they don’t use the term, says Stefani Goerlich, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and board-certified sexology diplomate. “Their decision to avoid sexual contact with others renders them fluid-bonded to one another.”
At this point, you might think “fluid bonding” is just a fancy way of referring to unprotected sex, but the practice requires so much more than leaving your condoms in the beside drawer. And while the idea of barrier-free sex might sound liberating, fluid bonding comes with some risks and challenges.
How exactly does fluid bonding work, and is it the right choice for your relationship? Let’s get into the in’s and out’s of fluid bonding.
“[Fluid bonding] can take the form of penetrative or oral sex without out barrier—such as a condom or dental dam—or even reserving certain porous sex toys—such as jade dildos, leather floggers, etc.—for use with one specific person,” Goerlich says.
If you have multiple partners and you’re using barriers outside of your fluid-bonded relationship, the risk of STI transmission is still there. “Nothing is entirely fail-safe,” Goerlich says. For example, a 2002 study found that consistent condom use during heterosexual intercourse only reduces the risk of contracting HIV by approximately 80 percent, and in a 2005 study of people who had known exposure to chlamydia, 13.3 percent of consistent condom users still contracted the infection. These studies indicate that while barriers greatly reduce the risk of contracting STIs, they don’t provide total protection. That means you can potentially contract an STI while using barriers outside of a fluid-bonded relationship and transmit that STI to a fluid-bonded partner.
Additionally, even when condoms or dental dams are used perfectly, they don’t provide full skin coverage. Unless you’re getting it on in a full-body latex suit, you’re going to have some skin-to-skin contact with sexual partners. Even if you don’t have contact with a partner’s sexual fluids, you can still contract and transmit some STIs—like herpes simplex virus (HSV) and syphilis—through skin-to-skin contact, plus other illnesses that spread through skin-to-skin contact, like monkeypox.
The good news is that most STIs are easily treated, and thanks to modern medicine, many people living with chronic STIs are able to manage their symptoms and viral load. Still, getting treated for an STI isn’t fun, and living with one for the rest of your life—and potentially transmitting it to someone else—is something that most people want to avoid. “I suggest ongoing STI testing every three to six months, unless you are also choosing to be monogamous,” Goerlich says.
“Partners should ask about sexual practices, such as how many partners they are engaging in sexual activity with, how many do they use and not use protection with, what their plan is to mitigate the risk for STI transmission, and how often they will engage in testing,” Adams says.
Goerlich suggests asking your partner these questions: “Have you been tested for STIs within the last 90 days? Do you have any non-sexual bloodborne infections? Are you sleeping [or] playing with other people? What are your fluid practices with them? Do you use dental dams during oral sex? Do you engage in play that might break the skin? Do you consider fluid bonding to be a practical decision, or does fluid bonding represent a deepening of our relationship?”
If you don’t trust your partner or their safer sex practices, then fluid bonding with that partner probably isn’t the best idea. If, however, you trust your partner’s words and judgment, you feel good about your ability to establish and maintain boundaries together, and you’re willing to accept the risks inherent in fluid bonding, then go ahead and swap spit (and everything else).
Ro White is a Chicago-based writer, sex educator, and Autostraddle’s Sex & Dating Editor.
This content is imported from OpenWeb. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
www.menshealth.com
“Fluid bonding is the consensual act of not using barrier methods such as condoms and dental dams when engaging in sexual inter- and outercourse,” says Shanae Adams, MA, LPCC, CIGT, who teaches sex education workshops for adults and youth.
When sexual partners decide to fluid bond, it means they don’t use any safer sex barriers during oral, vaginal, or anal sex. Without those barriers, fluid-bonded partners exchange bodily fluids such as vaginal secretions, seminal fluid, saliva, and menstrual blood during sex.
Even if you don’t use the term “fluid-bonded” to describe your relationship, you might be engaging in this practice already. “Most monogamous [and] married couples are fluid bonded, even if they don’t use the term, says Stefani Goerlich, an AASECT-certified sex therapist and board-certified sexology diplomate. “Their decision to avoid sexual contact with others renders them fluid-bonded to one another.”
At this point, you might think “fluid bonding” is just a fancy way of referring to unprotected sex, but the practice requires so much more than leaving your condoms in the beside drawer. And while the idea of barrier-free sex might sound liberating, fluid bonding comes with some risks and challenges.
How exactly does fluid bonding work, and is it the right choice for your relationship? Let’s get into the in’s and out’s of fluid bonding.
What are some benefits of fluid bonding?
First and foremost, fluid bonding with a partner makes sex easier.
You don’t have to fumble around for dental dams or condoms when things start heating up—at least not within your fluid-bonded relationships.Some polyamorous and non-monogamous people practice fluid bonding with one or more partners while still using safer sex barriers with other partners.
Their safer sex practices outside of their fluid-bonded relationships reduce the risk of transmitting STIs between fluid-bonded partners. Of course, this means fluid-bonded partners have to actually use barriers outside of their fluid-bonded relationship, and they have to use those barriers correctly. That requires a lot of dedication and trust. “Fluid bonding can act as an additional level of commitment in relationships between parties,” Adams explains.Fluid bonding also means that partners can use porous sex toys together without barriers (as long as those toys haven’t been used with any other sexual partners in the past).
Usually, fluid-bonded partners have specific, porous sex toys that are only used within their fluid-bonded relationships.“[Fluid bonding] can take the form of penetrative or oral sex without out barrier—such as a condom or dental dam—or even reserving certain porous sex toys—such as jade dildos, leather floggers, etc.—for use with one specific person,” Goerlich says.
Deciding to fluid bond with a partner can also foster intimacy.
“Those who engage in fluid bonding may feel more connected to their partner,” Adams says. That’s because fluid bonding requires honest, transparent communication with your partner. Practicing clear communication can deepen your relationship, and it might improve your sex life, too. A 2019 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that couples who regularly talk about sex have better sex and experience more sexual desire than other couples.What are the risks associated with fluid bonding?
Fluid bonding comes with two major risks: STI transmission and pregnancy.Fluid Bonding and STI Transmission
If you and your partner haven’t done thorough STI testing before fluid bonding or if you’re not being honest about your sexual relations outside of your fluid-bonded relationship, there’s a risk of STI transmission between fluid-bonded partners. “It’s crucial that everyone be committed to honesty with and about all partners and ongoing testing to ensure that safety is maintained,” Goerlich says.If you have multiple partners and you’re using barriers outside of your fluid-bonded relationship, the risk of STI transmission is still there. “Nothing is entirely fail-safe,” Goerlich says. For example, a 2002 study found that consistent condom use during heterosexual intercourse only reduces the risk of contracting HIV by approximately 80 percent, and in a 2005 study of people who had known exposure to chlamydia, 13.3 percent of consistent condom users still contracted the infection. These studies indicate that while barriers greatly reduce the risk of contracting STIs, they don’t provide total protection. That means you can potentially contract an STI while using barriers outside of a fluid-bonded relationship and transmit that STI to a fluid-bonded partner.
Additionally, even when condoms or dental dams are used perfectly, they don’t provide full skin coverage. Unless you’re getting it on in a full-body latex suit, you’re going to have some skin-to-skin contact with sexual partners. Even if you don’t have contact with a partner’s sexual fluids, you can still contract and transmit some STIs—like herpes simplex virus (HSV) and syphilis—through skin-to-skin contact, plus other illnesses that spread through skin-to-skin contact, like monkeypox.
The good news is that most STIs are easily treated, and thanks to modern medicine, many people living with chronic STIs are able to manage their symptoms and viral load. Still, getting treated for an STI isn’t fun, and living with one for the rest of your life—and potentially transmitting it to someone else—is something that most people want to avoid. “I suggest ongoing STI testing every three to six months, unless you are also choosing to be monogamous,” Goerlich says.
Fluid Bonding and Pregnancy
If you and your fluid-bonded partner are having the kind of sex that can result in pregnancy and you don’t want to be parents, then you need to discuss birth control options. That might require you to use condoms during P-in-V sex while foregoing barriers during anal and oral sex. If you’re having P-in-V sex outside of your fluid-bonded relationship, you’re going to have to discuss birth control options with those sexual partners as well. According to Planned Parenthood, if you use condoms perfectly every single time you have sex, they’re 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. Most people don’t use condoms perfectly, so more accurately, condoms are only about 85% effective at preventing pregnancy. Make sure you understand how to correctly use a condom. Even if one partner takes birth control pills or has an IUD, doubling up on protection is the best way to prevent an accidental pregnancy when P-in-V intercourse is on the menu.What questions should I ask a partner before deciding to fluid bond?
If you have multiple sexual partners and want to fluid bond with one or more of those partners, take some time to reflect and communicate.“Partners should ask about sexual practices, such as how many partners they are engaging in sexual activity with, how many do they use and not use protection with, what their plan is to mitigate the risk for STI transmission, and how often they will engage in testing,” Adams says.
Goerlich suggests asking your partner these questions: “Have you been tested for STIs within the last 90 days? Do you have any non-sexual bloodborne infections? Are you sleeping [or] playing with other people? What are your fluid practices with them? Do you use dental dams during oral sex? Do you engage in play that might break the skin? Do you consider fluid bonding to be a practical decision, or does fluid bonding represent a deepening of our relationship?”
If you don’t trust your partner or their safer sex practices, then fluid bonding with that partner probably isn’t the best idea. If, however, you trust your partner’s words and judgment, you feel good about your ability to establish and maintain boundaries together, and you’re willing to accept the risks inherent in fluid bonding, then go ahead and swap spit (and everything else).
Ro White is a Chicago-based writer, sex educator, and Autostraddle’s Sex & Dating Editor.
This content is imported from OpenWeb. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.
