http://www.divaasia.com/article/3748
Fri, May 29, 2009
Diva
Don't be afraid of rejection
by Skildo
I don't think Singaporean men are afraid of rejection from women. That's right, you read correctly.
But men are afraid of the "embarrassment" that rejection brings. Not the rejection itself.
Bear in mind though, embarrassment is simply a feeling - an emotion.
In some ways, it is a self-manufactured emotion. Now, why do I say so?
If a woman were to turn you down, there is no meaning in the gesture alone.
You will need to draw meaning from that incident, and you will feel emotions arising from the meaning that you have created.
For instance, let's say you go talk to a lady at a cafe. Her body language tells you to leave her alone.
You could take your cue from there and her gestures to mean: "I failed and will never try talking to another girl again."
Or you could think of it this way: "I laugh it off and move on. Approaching strangers is amusing, it is just a way to see who is interested to talk you, and who is not, that's all."
Since embarrassment is an emotion one chooses to feel after a rejection, a neat technique to overcome that is to replace embarrassment with another emotion.
By the way, this is a 'trick' I learnt from the world of combat sports where fighters are taught to convert fear into something else.
There is a range of alternative emotions to choose from.
Should a woman give you an undesired response or 'rejection', instead of the usual embarrassment, you can feel:
- Motivated
- Playful
- Thankful
- Smart-assed
- Delighted by her antics
- Confident
Take your pick.
I know this sounds weird and you may be thinking: "Is this some type of new age mental babble?"
No, it is not.
This case might help illustrate my point.
Take the emotion of feeling 'playful' for instance.
A friend of mine is an expert in that. He once approached a lady at the Mrt station, and she told him: "I don't really feel comfortable chatting with guys who approach me."
Does he go into 'embarrassed' or other negative mode straightaway?
No, he got playful and replied: "You're right. And if there's any guy who does that to you, let me know. I'll teach him a lesson."
She giggled shyly, they chatted, he ended up getting her number. I rest my case.
So, here's a little action step.
Acknowledge that 'embarrassment' (or other anxious emotion) is not the only thing you can feel.
One guy can talk to a woman and is told to stay away and he feels humiliated.
Another guy talks to the same woman and is given the same response by the woman. He feels a bout of delight from her response and laughingly pokes fun at the girl to relax the situation.
I'm sure you've seen men like that.
So, it is a case of similar incident, but choosing to feel differently about your emotions.
Choose one empowering emotion that serves you continuously in your girl-getting adventures.
About the writer:
Skilldo is an 'ex-unhappy' Singaporean guy - who grew from being lonely,
dateless and single... into breaking out of it, and obtained a fulfilling
social life in meeting, dating and entering satisfying relationships with
women.
He is the author of 'The Ultimate Singapore Girl-Getter'. A
locally-focused guide for Singapore men to approach, date and successfully
attract the type of women they want for themselves.
He maintains a website containing secrets and training for men at -
http://www.seductionsingapore.com
Fri, May 29, 2009
Diva
Don't be afraid of rejection
by Skildo
I don't think Singaporean men are afraid of rejection from women. That's right, you read correctly.
But men are afraid of the "embarrassment" that rejection brings. Not the rejection itself.
Bear in mind though, embarrassment is simply a feeling - an emotion.
In some ways, it is a self-manufactured emotion. Now, why do I say so?
If a woman were to turn you down, there is no meaning in the gesture alone.
You will need to draw meaning from that incident, and you will feel emotions arising from the meaning that you have created.
For instance, let's say you go talk to a lady at a cafe. Her body language tells you to leave her alone.
You could take your cue from there and her gestures to mean: "I failed and will never try talking to another girl again."
Or you could think of it this way: "I laugh it off and move on. Approaching strangers is amusing, it is just a way to see who is interested to talk you, and who is not, that's all."
Since embarrassment is an emotion one chooses to feel after a rejection, a neat technique to overcome that is to replace embarrassment with another emotion.
By the way, this is a 'trick' I learnt from the world of combat sports where fighters are taught to convert fear into something else.
There is a range of alternative emotions to choose from.
Should a woman give you an undesired response or 'rejection', instead of the usual embarrassment, you can feel:
- Motivated
- Playful
- Thankful
- Smart-assed
- Delighted by her antics
- Confident
Take your pick.
I know this sounds weird and you may be thinking: "Is this some type of new age mental babble?"
No, it is not.
This case might help illustrate my point.
Take the emotion of feeling 'playful' for instance.
A friend of mine is an expert in that. He once approached a lady at the Mrt station, and she told him: "I don't really feel comfortable chatting with guys who approach me."
Does he go into 'embarrassed' or other negative mode straightaway?
No, he got playful and replied: "You're right. And if there's any guy who does that to you, let me know. I'll teach him a lesson."
She giggled shyly, they chatted, he ended up getting her number. I rest my case.
So, here's a little action step.
Acknowledge that 'embarrassment' (or other anxious emotion) is not the only thing you can feel.
One guy can talk to a woman and is told to stay away and he feels humiliated.
Another guy talks to the same woman and is given the same response by the woman. He feels a bout of delight from her response and laughingly pokes fun at the girl to relax the situation.
I'm sure you've seen men like that.
So, it is a case of similar incident, but choosing to feel differently about your emotions.
Choose one empowering emotion that serves you continuously in your girl-getting adventures.
About the writer:
Skilldo is an 'ex-unhappy' Singaporean guy - who grew from being lonely,
dateless and single... into breaking out of it, and obtained a fulfilling
social life in meeting, dating and entering satisfying relationships with
women.
He is the author of 'The Ultimate Singapore Girl-Getter'. A
locally-focused guide for Singapore men to approach, date and successfully
attract the type of women they want for themselves.
He maintains a website containing secrets and training for men at -
http://www.seductionsingapore.com
