<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR>My guilt over my stroke-stricken mother
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<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->I REFER to Thursday's report, 'Abuse of seniors: Blame it on caregivers' stress'. I want to share my personal experience here.
I have a 78-year-old stroke-stricken mother who is also schizophrenic. She has difficulty with her ADL (activities of daily living) since she contracted a mild stroke two years ago and we have employed a maid to assist her. The maid will take care of her daily physical needs such as bathing and daily walk around the neighbourhood.
Before that, she was healthy and could even travel alone by public transport. The stroke has effectively reduced her to someone who is dependent on others, even for her bowel movement. Most important, it signals that her body is wearing down slowly but surely.
I moved to Sydney with my family six months ago and tried as much as possible to stay in touch by telephone. My brother said there are times my mother has tried to pack her bags in the middle of the night to visit us in Sydney. She also waited at the neighbourhood school, believing my daughter was there, returning home only when coaxed by my brother. My fear is that these are initial signs of dementia. I dread the day that mum will not be able to recognise us at all, signalling the death of any cherished memories she has of her family.
Such news always makes me feel guilty and sad that I have left her at her time of need. I would try to return home to visit her at least twice a year.
Sometimes, mum will also talk to herself in the middle of the night due to her schizophrenia. She says there is someone else in the room. This disturbs her young grandchildren a lot. Medication can only do so much at her age.
When asked when she is most happy at home, her reply was: 'I can see my children and grandchildren daily.'
Her candid reply brought tears to my eyes.
More often than not, we take our aged parents for granted until they are gone. Anything we do after that will mean nothing to them. Not even the most expensive funeral will bring them back.
Gilbert Goh
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<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->I REFER to Thursday's report, 'Abuse of seniors: Blame it on caregivers' stress'. I want to share my personal experience here.
I have a 78-year-old stroke-stricken mother who is also schizophrenic. She has difficulty with her ADL (activities of daily living) since she contracted a mild stroke two years ago and we have employed a maid to assist her. The maid will take care of her daily physical needs such as bathing and daily walk around the neighbourhood.
Before that, she was healthy and could even travel alone by public transport. The stroke has effectively reduced her to someone who is dependent on others, even for her bowel movement. Most important, it signals that her body is wearing down slowly but surely.
I moved to Sydney with my family six months ago and tried as much as possible to stay in touch by telephone. My brother said there are times my mother has tried to pack her bags in the middle of the night to visit us in Sydney. She also waited at the neighbourhood school, believing my daughter was there, returning home only when coaxed by my brother. My fear is that these are initial signs of dementia. I dread the day that mum will not be able to recognise us at all, signalling the death of any cherished memories she has of her family.
Such news always makes me feel guilty and sad that I have left her at her time of need. I would try to return home to visit her at least twice a year.
Sometimes, mum will also talk to herself in the middle of the night due to her schizophrenia. She says there is someone else in the room. This disturbs her young grandchildren a lot. Medication can only do so much at her age.
When asked when she is most happy at home, her reply was: 'I can see my children and grandchildren daily.'
Her candid reply brought tears to my eyes.
More often than not, we take our aged parents for granted until they are gone. Anything we do after that will mean nothing to them. Not even the most expensive funeral will bring them back.
Gilbert Goh
