<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR>May 25, 2009
SOAPBOX
</TR><!-- headline one : start --><TR>The flaw in the 'imperfect' drive
</TR><!-- headline one : end --><TR>Teaching that building a strong relationship is a team effort is better than singling out flaws </TR><!-- Author --><TR><TD class="padlrt8 georgia11 darkgrey bold" colSpan=2>By Kim Spykerman
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<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->UNTIL two weeks ago, I had always thought of my less-than-endearing qualities as, uh, quirks.
But it looks like I might have to reclassify my definitions. The winners of the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports' (MCYS) recent 'Most Beautifully Imperfect Couples' search listed being clumsy, hot-headed and short (I maintain that height is a relative concept) as some of their own or their partner's 'imperfect' traits.
The campaign wants couples to 'celebrate the imperfections that make a relationship beautiful'.
Personally, I am flummoxed. At about 1.5m tall, I realise that I - fortunately or otherwise - also have all of the shortcomings listed above.
Maybe more. I talk too fast, curse too much and am dangerously addicted to trashy television. By their definitions, I suppose I am 'imperfect' too.
I am not pooh-poohing the campaign's merits. I admit it is very sweet to see how people find certain 'quirky' aspects of their partner's character perfect for them.
But I am not thrilled about labelling a person's particular traits as 'imperfections' - why turn just a difference into an obvious flaw?
Calling somebody 'beautifully imperfect' is a little like saying: 'Well, fine, you're not exactly like me, but I'll just try not to find too much fault with you.'
One question I asked myself is this: can two imperfect people make a 'perfect' couple?
I would like to think it can - though I am still finding out what that means.
As the child of a Chinese mother and a Eurasian father, what might have fit the 'imperfect' bill was normal - even, perfect - to me.
Their different racial backgrounds did not put a dent in their relationship. Neither did the differences in their education levels - or hobbies, for that matter.
My mum enjoys painting, my dad probably cannot tell a toothbrush from a paintbrush. He loves a good game of soccer, she cannot see the point of 22 men chasing after a single ball. They are different, yes.
But I believe what works is that they have never viewed these differences as imperfections. Instead, one of them picks up where the other leaves off - a team effort rather than assigning the blame when things do not go right.
Perhaps if this campaign wanted to be more relevant to my generation, it ought to have focused on acceptance, rather than singling out flaws.
After all, among those of my generation, I think it is a lot easier to be dissatisfied with a partner who falls short.
Instead of looking for what is wrong, we need to accept that a relationship is the sum of its parts, not pick it apart. [email protected]
SOAPBOX
</TR><!-- headline one : start --><TR>The flaw in the 'imperfect' drive
</TR><!-- headline one : end --><TR>Teaching that building a strong relationship is a team effort is better than singling out flaws </TR><!-- Author --><TR><TD class="padlrt8 georgia11 darkgrey bold" colSpan=2>By Kim Spykerman
</TD></TR><!-- show image if available --><TR vAlign=bottom><TD width=330>
</TD><TD width=10>
<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->UNTIL two weeks ago, I had always thought of my less-than-endearing qualities as, uh, quirks.
But it looks like I might have to reclassify my definitions. The winners of the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports' (MCYS) recent 'Most Beautifully Imperfect Couples' search listed being clumsy, hot-headed and short (I maintain that height is a relative concept) as some of their own or their partner's 'imperfect' traits.
The campaign wants couples to 'celebrate the imperfections that make a relationship beautiful'.
Personally, I am flummoxed. At about 1.5m tall, I realise that I - fortunately or otherwise - also have all of the shortcomings listed above.
Maybe more. I talk too fast, curse too much and am dangerously addicted to trashy television. By their definitions, I suppose I am 'imperfect' too.
I am not pooh-poohing the campaign's merits. I admit it is very sweet to see how people find certain 'quirky' aspects of their partner's character perfect for them.
But I am not thrilled about labelling a person's particular traits as 'imperfections' - why turn just a difference into an obvious flaw?
Calling somebody 'beautifully imperfect' is a little like saying: 'Well, fine, you're not exactly like me, but I'll just try not to find too much fault with you.'
One question I asked myself is this: can two imperfect people make a 'perfect' couple?
I would like to think it can - though I am still finding out what that means.
As the child of a Chinese mother and a Eurasian father, what might have fit the 'imperfect' bill was normal - even, perfect - to me.
Their different racial backgrounds did not put a dent in their relationship. Neither did the differences in their education levels - or hobbies, for that matter.
My mum enjoys painting, my dad probably cannot tell a toothbrush from a paintbrush. He loves a good game of soccer, she cannot see the point of 22 men chasing after a single ball. They are different, yes.
But I believe what works is that they have never viewed these differences as imperfections. Instead, one of them picks up where the other leaves off - a team effort rather than assigning the blame when things do not go right.
Perhaps if this campaign wanted to be more relevant to my generation, it ought to have focused on acceptance, rather than singling out flaws.
After all, among those of my generation, I think it is a lot easier to be dissatisfied with a partner who falls short.
Instead of looking for what is wrong, we need to accept that a relationship is the sum of its parts, not pick it apart. [email protected]
