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Boys must say ‘no’ too

metalslug

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http://divaasia.com/article/3058

3058.jpg


Wed, Apr 08, 2009
my paper .Boys must say ‘no’ too
by Dewi Sriwahyuto

I HAD to ask myself – over and over again.

I was covering a story on Sanctuary House, the only charity here that reaches out to unwed mothers. It has been taking care of babies abandoned by their mothers.

The thought hit me: How could anyone have the heart to discard a life that they themselves created?

The idea of finding a newborn infant, dead or alive, at a deserted stairwell or in the rubbish chute is beyond words.

Now, reality check. Every time we hear about incidents like this, who do we blame? We blame the girl – the mother of the child.

What about the father of the child? The boy that had a huge role to play in this?

He would not have a bump in his tummy, which means he easily escapes from the shame that he should have shared with the girl.

He does not have to endure pain and fear because he is not the one who is going to give birth to the baby.

It’s time for these boys to be a man and start taking responsibilty for the mistake that they have made.

So, when I found out about Sanctuary House, a charity that takes in and cares for abandoned babies, I felt extremely relieved and happy.

Why? Because now we know that there is a place out there to house the poor souls and give them a chance at life.

I am all of 19 years old, and whenever I spot a pregnant girl who is almost the same age as I am, I feel fear and sadness.

I fear for the future of the baby and I feel sad for the teen mum because it really isn’t time for her to take on the responsibility of being a mother. School, family and friends should be her priorities – not raising a baby.

On the day I interviewed Mr Noel Tan, the programme director of Sanctuary House, I was introduced to a whole new world I had never taken the time to think about.

I was supposed to interview Mr Tan in his office, but we ended up talking over croissants and coffee at the KK Women’s & Children’s Hospital.

He had received a call, minutes before I arrived, from a foster parent of one of the newborn babies the Sanctuary House had taken into its care.

It was bad news. Doctors found Ben, the baby boy, to be suffering from two diseases.

When I saw the seven-week- old baby sleeping soundly in his cot, with his cheeks so lucent that I could see his tiny veins, the first thing that came to my mind was: “Oh God. This beautiful baby shouldn’t have to suffer for the mistake of his 14-year-old mother and 16-yearold father.”

And, as though she could hear my thoughts, Veronica, a 40-year-old Australian mother of four, and now the foster mother of Ben, said: “It’s sad. But at least he’s here being looked after.”

When teenagers with no parenting skills and mediocre incomes take the chance of raising their own babies, a vicious circle is created.

More often than not, the babies will grow up following in their parents’ footsteps and end up repeating the same mistakes.

Punishing teens is not going to work, so we would have to start by teaching the kids about responsibility – and that is a hard lesson to impart.

As for me, I live by this mantra: It takes two hands to clap. So instead of just teaching the girls how to say no, we should teach the boys how to say no too.

[email protected]
 

RumLee

Alfrescian
Loyal
http://divaasia.com/article/3058

3058.jpg


Wed, Apr 08, 2009
my paper .Boys must say ‘no’ too
by Dewi Sriwahyuto

I HAD to ask myself – over and over again.

I was covering a story on Sanctuary House, the only charity here that reaches out to unwed mothers. It has been taking care of babies abandoned by their mothers.

The thought hit me: How could anyone have the heart to discard a life that they themselves created?

The idea of finding a newborn infant, dead or alive, at a deserted stairwell or in the rubbish chute is beyond words.

Now, reality check. Every time we hear about incidents like this, who do we blame? We blame the girl – the mother of the child.

What about the father of the child? The boy that had a huge role to play in this?

He would not have a bump in his tummy, which means he easily escapes from the shame that he should have shared with the girl.

He does not have to endure pain and fear because he is not the one who is going to give birth to the baby.

It’s time for these boys to be a man and start taking responsibilty for the mistake that they have made.

As for me, I live by this mantra: It takes two hands to clap. So instead of just teaching the girls how to say no, we should teach the boys how to say no too.

[email protected]

If you really live by this mantra, what mantra does Womens' Lib live by?

Saying NO! has always been the female responsibility; not because of a bump in the tummy or any pain.

Teenage girls in Singapore are well known to hide any bumps or pain! only to discard the foctus in toilets or child in rubbish bins.

For females who discard their child in rubbish bins, or leave them in doorsteps of strangers, your claim of "Boys Responsibility" is zero unless you have proof that the boys created the dustbins to throw their unwanted children.

Problem lies with poorly brought up or neglected females. Instead of solving that problem, you push the blame on the males.

Just imagine what would happen if your husband rejected your advances every time you wanted to have sex.

Would your son or daughter ever been born!
 

scoobyhoo

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Loyal
say 'no' to what? say'no' to endless assessment papers and school tests? say 'no' to just obey the words from teachers/parents without using brain?
 

Snipeshot08

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Loyal
I guess its never easy saying no to your marikatering small brother :rolleyes: we all went through the same childhood albeit a more sanitized one with lesser social ills :p
 

metalslug

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<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR><TD height=8></TD></TR><TR><TD class=msgtxt>http://www.asiaone.com/News/Education/Story/A1Story20090409-134254.html

Thu, Apr 09, 2009
my paper
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

20090409.113155_standbygirls.jpg


<TABLE border=0 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=560><TBODY><TR><TD colSpan=3>Boys, stand by girls in unwanted pregnancies <!-- TITLE : end--></TD><TR><TD height=15 colSpan=3>
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</TD></TR><!-- Story With Image End --><TR><TD class=bodytext_10pt colSpan=3><!-- CONTENT : start -->I REFER to Mr Sebastian Tan's letter, 'Abandonment of babies can be linked to promiscuity' (my paper, April 8).

I commend him for his endorsement of the charity, Sanctuary House, and his call for more support for such welfare organisations.

My concern regarding his views, however, is that they place the responsibility of getting educated about the dangers of promiscuity and its consequences squarely on the shoulders of young girls.

<SCRIPT language=JavaScript src="/static/ads/scripts/adsimu.js"></SCRIPT>Many societies do this. I am all for educating girls and women in this regard.
What upsets me most, however, is that very few people ask if boys and men should also be educated about the dangers and consequences of casual sex.

Yes, it is girls who end up being pregnant as a result of casual sex, but as the saying goes, it takes two to tango.

If society took a stronger stand on the role of men and boys in unwanted pregnancies, such situations might turn out differently.

Boys should stand by girls throughout the entire ordeal, right up to and including the birth and adoption (should they decide not to keep the child) of the infant.
Being an eternal optimist, I feel that if given half a chance, many boys and men would want to be part of this journey, having been raised as responsible and loving individuals.

I have two daughters and two sons.

My sons receive just as much sex education (if not more) than my daughters.
They must be informed about and be aware of the consequences of their actions when it comes to potential sexual encounters.

Let parents not leave the brave girls who are their daughters out there on their own, often with little or no support from their families when an unwanted pregnancy occurs.

Sons should be challenged to play their part and to walk alongside their partners for as far as the journey takes them.

Mrs Karin Ekeberg-Towson
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
 

jw5

Moderator
Moderator
Loyal
I guess its never easy saying no to your marikatering small brother :rolleyes: we all went through the same childhood albeit a more sanitized one with lesser social ills :p
It is "hard" to say no with an erection. :smile:
 
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