God meet modern Singaporean

Gabra Heng was hiking with his son, Aye Sack in Bukit Timah on a Sunday when he heard God calls out to him:

God : "Gabra Heng, I am God, listen up"
G.H : "Yes, God, morning, what do you want?"

God : "See the stone in front of you, put your son on the stone and stab him in the heart with the knife I have provided on the ground."

G.H : "Hello, You got something wrong or not, stabbing my son in the heart in Singapore constitutes murder and can get death penalty and get hang you know, especially Singaporean, if i am a foreigner maybe 16 years only."

God : "Alamak, I am your God, listen to me, bring you son there and stab him, why you question so much?"

G.H : "you says in your commandments, you shall not kill, somemore kill my own son, you are really a joker"

God : "Me joker or not, no worries, I make the commandments for the general public, so for you special case, this command is not applicable to you now, you can kill your son"

G.H : "so you can happy happy change your commandments to your wishes, how i know you are not here to sabo or test or tempt me, let me kill him finish, you call the police"

God : "I am your God, here to take care and to love you, not to cause problem for you, just listen and do say I say"

G:H : "you really funny, kept wanting me to kill my kid, and what is it to you? Maybe you are TeeKee in disguise, let me get caught, lost faith in God and end up in hell"

God : "You know my voice, I speak to you in the bible and in your conscious, can't you recognise my voice and do as I tell you? My sheep hears my voice"

G:H : "This is irritating, ok, show me your credentials"

God : "If I show you my credentials, then where is your faith, come on have a little faith"

G:H : "Ok, even if I do it, what is it for me"

God : "What if I make you the founding father of APEC? The biggest and most expensive land in Sentosa Cove will be yours?"

G:H "Listen to yourself, will you do it for such terms?"

God : "I'm almost up here with you, no more negotiations, do it or not? if you don't, you will be strike dead by a durian on your way down the hill"

G:H : "Terms not attractive and now what, you using threats now? Why must I stab my son and listen to you"

God : "My ways are not your ways, and my ways are ALWAYS higher than yours. You need not understand and must have faith when I may sound unreasonable. Just kill your son because I say so"

G:H : "well, looks like you have to drop the durian somewhere somehow, you have not given me enough reasons and confidence to listen to what you say. Have a good day."

Teekee must really see this...... Knn he is still happily dreaming.

wahahahaah!!!! damn funny!!! that basically sum up the ridiculous side of christianity

After meeting Gabra Heng, God went to Geylang and spoke to NoR

God : "Oi, Nor, you free for a chat with God?

Nor : "anytime God"

God : "I have great plans for you, I am giving you a blue plan to build an ark"

Nor : "Ark? Oh, you mean a boat.... ok.... so much wood, you gonna pay for it? Very epensive hor"

God : "You go cut trees from Bukit Timah Hill, ok?"

Nor : "You sure got something wrong. yesterday you want Gabra to kill his son, today you want me to cut trees and commit crimes against singapore? Siao"

God : "Ok, ok,,, no need to cut trees, you just go and take over Star Cruise because I spoke to Genting already."

Nor : "Thats easy, then what I do?"

God : "Then go the zoo, and bring a pair of every animals you see and bring to the cruise"

Nor : "I assume you talk to Singapore Zoo liao, and food for the animals? You talk to NTUC to provide? Good work God. Then what we do"

God : "Stay on the boat, until I let you off"

Nor : "what for? What are you going to do?"

God : "I am going to destroy the whole Singapore except you and your family, including the demi-God LKY and his family"

Nor : "and including TeeKee your "supposedly" servant and admirer?"

God : "Of course, he too, why? He thinks he knows me by writing against the buddhist, communist and what he presumes ungodly. If he just knows what is ungodly, you will be off the boat and he and his family will be save"

Nor : "So what will you do?"

God : "I intended tol rain Singapore for 40 days and 40 nights, and other country media will report that this will happen in every 6,000 years. I will make sure that whole Singapore including all PRs will be dead, and I will bring about a new Singapore starting with your family again"

Nor : "You mean you will destroy the whole Singapore? Why?"

God : "Why must you ask why? Why can't you accept in faith? OK, the whole Singapore in wicked with pros in Geylang, Gay in Chinatown, Casinos and cheats in Sim Lim Squaare and Lucky Plaza, and I cannot find 1 decent guy besides your family, so I will destroy Singapore

Nor : "YOu are a damn joker, cannot find any decent guy in Singapore? Have you visited KK Hospital? Those pregnant women you going to kill? You going to kill the unborn? Thought you are against abortion? they are also many good people, although they do not know you, been doing charity, helping the poor, working their lives for their off-springs and my friends and neighbors"

God : "I don't care. Why you care? The unborn will be just as evil should they grow up you know. Anyway, just do what I say, you are the only family I trust now. The rest of Singapore, they deserve to die because I say so and I cannot find any other decent people"

Nor : "And how am I supposed to rebuild Singapore with my sons and daughters-in-law?"

God : "Well, you be creative, just mate among yourselves and build a nation out of it ok? TeeKee thinks your genes are pure enough to inter-breed and having sex with your daughters, for your case, well for the moment will be acceptable"

Nor : "You are 1 sick dude, God. Please go and do whatever you want and leave me alone."

LOLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!! Where the f*** u come out with this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Damn funny again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a disappointing day at Geylang, God went to Raffles PLace and met K. Shanmugam, K.S., Minister of Law.

God : "Oi, ah nei, how's business?"

K.S : "Money's good but so many ammendments to the law, damn headache, change the constitution to adopt more SMCs etc etc, take care of parent's law, change here change there.... so much work."

God : "Listen up, you can use my 10 commandments, no need copyright, and Singapore can accept all the commandments, and all will be fine., since Singapore can be a christian nation like TeeKee trying to promote. Like my no. 1 command: There is no God before me,,,, easy...."

K.S : "What is easy, you sure there are no other gods?"

God : "Other gods have la, you no read other books huh, there are other gods, but to christian there is no other gods, anyway, no other gods more powerful than me that is, recorded in my "holy bible", haha, like the eygptians believe in their own gods, but not as powerful as me""

K.S : "How about FTs here, they must believe? What if Singaporeans don't want to believe in one God"

God : "FT is FT business, Singaporeans believe can already. Also no need to introduce to my competitors or equals anyway. Penalty for disobedience is DEATH., specifically STONE TO DEATH, if not burn in hell for eternity. So my no. 2 Command, no idols, do not worship anything, any animal or birds or shapes"

K.S : "Not even the statue of your son jesus, the white guy, the cross, and your son, jesus's mother but not your wife."

God : "All wrong la, Firstly my son is not white ok, he is more like Osama Bin Laden, a middle east man especially with his beard on. Secondly, cross is empty, worship wood for what. Thirdly, Mary, Joesph's wife, is just a surrogate mother, think nothing of her, all the catholics especially George Yeo, your peer, is wrong. No, destroy all stautes. Also stop Singapore Idol and ban American Idol. Penalty for disobedience is DEATH., specifically STONE TO DEATH, if not burn in hell for eternity. So my number 3 command, don't use my name anyhow anyhow."

K.S : "So no more oh my god, god damn it etc etc,,, anything to deal with god must be in reverence?"

God : "You're right. Penalty for disobedience is DEATH., specifically STONE TO DEATH, if not burn in hell for eternity. so no.4 command, no work on sunday"

K.S : "NO WORK? how about TV station workers, foodcourt workers, the pastors, bus drivers, NS and such? No need to do laundry, cook? You think you wanna provide food from sky again huh?"

God : "Sunday, easy solution, just get FT to work, they are not Singaporeans and no need to treat them as such. Penalty for disobedience is DEATH., specifically STONE TO DEATH, if not burn in hell for eternity. Then here comes my no. 5 command. Honor your father and mother that your lives on earth maybe long"

K.S : "of coz la, in other countries, if you not honor your parents, they will ensure your lives on earth will be shorten drastically, and we here trying to implement that if the children don't take care of their parents, we take away their properties and throw them in jail. So if they curse their parents, let me guess : penalty for disobedience is DEATH., specifically STONE TO DEATH, if not burn in hell for eternity.

God : "You are so right,,,,so my no.6 command, you shall not commit murder."

K.S : "Murder? how about 2nd degree murder, how about man-slaughter, how about temporary insanity?"

God : "If the victim dies, the criminal also dies, regardless."

K.S : "So if I stoned the murderer to death, am I the murderer?"

God : "The executioner are all exempted. Any more questions?"

K.S : "Define murder"

God : "Can't you check the wikipedia dictionary? Murder is taking an innocence life."

K.s : "Oh, which means that killing someone without reason like you did in Noah times? Killing almost the entire population on earth?"

God : "Hello, please la, I am God, whatever I do is right and exception than the general rule ok. These rules are only applicable to you and the lesser mortals, and God like me are not bound by it, somemore it is Me who make these laws."

K.S : "So you do anything so its ok, we do cannot"

God : "Now you get it,,,,, no. 7 regarding adultery,,, absolutely no adultery among singaporeans. If man sleeps with married woman, die. If man sleeps with a non-virgin, girl dies, if sleep with animals, both die"

K.S : "How about Lot?"

God : "He was in the past, no count"

K.S : "Thought you are God of yesterday, today and tomorrow, and your laws changes not."

God : "For this instance it can change because your points does not suit my train of thought, also my no.8 command, you shall not steal"

K.S : "if steal how?"

God : "he who steals must pay double or five times the amount he steals"

K.S : "If he can pay then why he steals?"

God : "Don't argue with me or interrupt can or not. Right now it dioes not seems logical to you, it will become clearer when the time comes,"

K.S : "you always say that"

God : "no. 9 should be easy. You Singaporeans must not hold false witness against the neighbors, or in fact anyone"

K.s : "Meaning?

God : "must I define everything? Are you not minister of Law? this simple means you must tell only the truth, things that you know is true, thing you have seen, smell and touch."

K.S : "so things we did not see or touch, we cannot be witness?"

God : "very good, now you're learning"

K.S : "one question, what about those christians "witnessing"? telling people Jesus died for their sins and have eternal life. They did not see jesus dies or those died and experience heaven come back. are they bearing false witness against other religion?"

God : "Like i say, there are always exceptions and this is an exception,,, ok? Lastly you shall not covet your neighbors everything"

K.S : "Now think in the mind also cannot. I desire to possess my neighbors house because it has a nice swimming pool, and with my salary of 3 mil, I can buy in 2 years time also cannot meh? You want everybody to live eat sleep and shit in the same condition? Are you communist or not?"

God : "Aiya there is exception when you can buy off the stuff except your neighbors wife."

K.S : "Oh,,, how about King David, who peeps the girl on the roof and send the husband to his death and still blessed by you?"

God : "Like I say again and again, there are always exception to the rules for my blue-eyed boys, and all singaporeans are just less mortals and not exactly my blue-eyed boys. OK, 10 commands easy to follow for Singaporeans"

K.S : "please la, your half baked commands can maybe fool moses and his kakis in golden times, singaporeans, we need more than that la. you law pages is not even 1,000 pages long, shorter than my election by laws, Please take your laws and go and sian someone else."

nice interesting conversation it's look like drama show.lol

Then God went to Suntec to buy Royce chocolate and met Joe Prick who just came out from the Rock Sanctuary.

God : "Oi, Joe, how's business?"

Joe : "my 5,000 crocodiles with 1,000 workers in Malaysia, 6,000 sheeps in Zealand with 500 workers, Ostrich Farm with 6,000 fowls in Indonesia and 5,000 dairy cows with 2,000 workers each are doing extremely well, thanks to your blessing. My party-oriented 10 kids and wife and maids are healthy and well too."

God : "By the way. I just met someone yesterday after Shanmugam. His name is SATAN and he came with the angels to see how me and my people are doing"

Joe : "Satan? He not your fallen angel, Lucifer or the evil one?"

God : "Who says so? If he is evil and less powerful than me, you think I will not destroy him to prevent him from corrupting people i created? He just another god from another dimension, and he has been roaming the earth recently and ask about you, according to my info"

Joe : "Huh? Something to do with me?"

God : "Ya, you. He's been challenging other gods on their creations whether they be faithful or not, and he challenge me to test you."

Joe : "Test me? what kind of test?"

God : "You are so loyal to me that he claims you are loyal to me because I protect you. So I am giving you the heads up now because I accepted his challenge."

Joe : "Are you Ho Ching, a bloody gambler? Getting into a bet with Satan? Using me as a chip? Na Bei you. Sorry, you god, cannot na bei you. OK. What will you get if you win? And if you lose how?"

God : "He challenged me, I cannot say NO, also I believe in you, so must be a sure win. And the winning prize is your name will be in the extended bible after the Book of Job and my EGO. If lose, you'll know."

Joe : "What is the challenge? can hear first? Cheat abit never mind"

God : "ok, before tomorrow ends, I will remove my blessings on your ventures, after your family and then from you"

Joe : "Huh? Let Satan have a go at all my ventures, family and finally me?"

God : "Yes, but I think I will not allow him to kill you."

Joe : "Thats great, you gonna play me like a pawn. what will happen then?"

God : "First, I think Satan will destroy your ventures."

Joe : "Those companies and animals that I built up over the years? Destroy the fields and animals? What happen to animal rights that you try to promote? What if PETA protests?"

God : "No worry, PETA and activists of animal rights will not protest. That I know for sure"

Joe : "Why?"

God : "Because all the workers will die also, except one from each country, who will call you to tell you what happen. A tsumnami, an earthquake, pirates and the junta will kill, destroy and plunder your goods and kill all your workers except 4. Now you think PETA and gang will call about the animals when more than ten thousand people perished?"

Joe : "What sin has the workers done that you should allow Satan to take their lives?"

God : "No reason. Just because I am involved in a bet, is that good enough for you? Or Because I can, good enough? Because I want to? Because I like Satan to do that? Or simply I say so."

Joe : "Thats no good. But ok, foreign workers, not really a big deal to me."

God : "Part 2. I will allow Satan to kill your 10 children in a party."

Joe : "Huh? You wanna kill all my children? Why?"

God : "Don't ask why, let your children die happy partying because I allow Satan to do that. Anyway your children are party animals, so killing them should not take a toll on you."

Joe : "You sure you are who I think you are? You are a joker. You where got God, play such games, destroying human and animal lives because of a bet?"

God : "haha,,,, thats not all, and I intend to let Satan to inflict you with sores,,,,, then I will get 3 friends of you to comfort you,,, good plan? You think I'll win the bet?"

Joe : "You are really one sick dude, using human lives as a gambling chip for your game. Is it too late to believe in other gods?"

Insightful, lol. You god, I cannot na bei you. LOL

God met Moses Lim M.L (of under 1 roof fame) at Nation's Maid agency in Lucky Plaza.

God : "Moses,, need a big favor from you"

M.L : "api sini,,, you God still need me to do work for you?"

God : "you know, my pinoys has cried to the heavens that the Singaporeans mistreated them as maids, no sunday off, and if off, don't allow them to make bangla friends, and if pregnant, kena send back,,,, working conditions very bad and they wanna go home"

M.L : "So you want me to be like Moses and talk to LKY and son huh? WKS even? Wooden Goh maybe?"

God : "you very smart,,, yes,,, you shout at the LKY in his walkabout in the market, let my people go ,,, ok?"

M.L : "Please la, wait kena sued like CSJ me become bankrupt,,,,, petition to Gan can already"

God : "you need to show my powers to LKY and his clown son,,,, do many miraculous stuff,,,, but I will harden their hearts and they will not let the pinoys go."

M.L "the usual stuff? walking stick becomes snake, turn singapore river and all water, newater and old and even evian in the fridge into blood, frogs even appears on the Pinnacle@Duxton 50 storey high, gnats, flies to cover the whole singapore?"

God : "yes, yes and yes. but I tell you 1st, LKY and his ministers will also able to perform all these tricks also but my snake is bigger than their snakes and will eat them up. They may even employ Joesph Prince to do the other tricks like turn water into blood, frogs, gnat and flies stuff... yes,,, the frogs and flies can cover the Pinnacle@Duxton even... no worry, my frogs can leap over tall buildings..."

M.L "Just a couple of questions,,,, WHY you harden their hearts every time? Secondly you not so logical le,,,, if I have turned all water into blood, how does LKY's people do the same trick and show me they can do? Not logical right?"

God : "I harden their hearts so I can show more power can or not. I am very powerful one, and I want to show off can? you no question me ok? also regarding about the water turns to blood,,, haha,,, my followers NEVER notice that,,,,, you notice that,,, haha,,, very sharp eye le,,, but dun tell anyone ok? I just tell them to believe me in faith,,,, no logic required"

M.L : "Then what? kill somemore?"

God : "Ok,,,, after the flies, LKY will ban all flights back to phillippines because I have harden their hearts,,,, you will KILL all the live stock of Singaporeans including their pets, dogs and cats, by lifting your walking stick towards the 3 tablets represented by SANDS, after that i will send make all singaporeans suffer boils, but tell all Pinoys to stay in Lucky Plaza ok, and I will rain hails of stones and strike all people and animals walking outside the road, all stay in the buildings will be saved but all in Sentosa golf courses, beaches and open air will be stoned to DEATH, that includes all animals and people"

M.L : "God, i know you very gilat,,, very powerful, but next time, should you get people to write the bible again, please get someone smart to vet them properly, typo people can accept, but logic problem, people cannot accept"

God : "Huh, what logic problem again? so many people believe and no one ever comment about logic problem"

M.L "Ok,,,you see, after the flies, I kill all the livestock of Singaporeans liao,,, ALL ANIMALS MATI liao,,, forget about PETA or SPCA,,, HOW the hail stones kill the people and livestock again? Animals all die liao, where got animals somemore? import from Malaysia and Indonesia?"

God : "Oh,,,, that kind of logic again.... hmmmmm,,,, can forget about logic for the moment or not,,, just do what I say can? you are embarrassing the writers of the bible"

M.L : "sorri hor, but i think even you God, cannot be illogical also, but then again, what you say,, counts,,, then what I do"

God : "huhhhhhhh,,,,,,, you send locusts and cover whole singapore like the flies and frogs again,,, this time Joesph Prince cannot copy"

M.L : "OK lotsa locust,,, the thais will have a good time frying them and turn them to instant snacks."

God : "I will harden their hearts again and you will turn the whole Singapore into darkness except Lucky Plaza"

M.L : "You turn whole Singapore into darkness, where will I be"

God : "You of course in Lucky Plaza with your Pinoy mei meis"

M.L : "So if LKY decides to change his mind how he find me? even with handphone, I still have to walk from Lucky Plaza to Istana in total darkness? How to get there? See the not so logic thingy again? also, what is wrong with you, keep hardening their hearts?"

God : "Please read the bible properly. I harden their hearts to show my power. Yes, my power is greater than other Gods in Singapore put together. Show already, you can tell your children and children's children llong long time ago in Singapore ,, etc etc I want to become a legend, a folklore, a part of Children's bedtime story.,,,, copice?"

M.L : "So all these things just for your ego?"

God : "I believe so, you ok with it? If not, you also cannot do anything... and your final act for me is kill all the 1st born sons in Singapore except the Pinoys. Tell the pinoys to check into hotels and all lodgings in Singapore and put a red light outside. I will pass them by, and these without red lights, my angels will go inside and massacre all the 1st born, man and animals."

M.L : "ok, 1st thing 1st, the logic of killing animals again,,, where are the animals? you kill them in the 1st stage of the show, then the hail stones. How to get into your thick skull that THERE IS NO MORE ANIMALS to KILL"

God : "Ok, don't get so work up. so the process acceptable to you?"

M.L : "just a question, what is WRONG with you? In the old testament you have a taste of punishing innocent and killing relentlessly. You like the taste of blood of innocence? What has the LKY's albino grandson done wrong besides being 1st born to Pinkie? Why don't you kill the aggnorant prick Hong Yi instead (pardon my french)? Don't you know most singapore family has 1 or 2 children because of LKY policy, you will practically wipe out all the under 40 males in Singapore you know? All 1st born sons, in Singapore that accounts for about 1 million deaths, of which all because of YOUR EGO?"

God : "Please don't talk like that until I am like hiltler on a genocide program le, I am still coming to terms with all my MASSACREs in the old testament. By the way, I am who I am ok, Accept that in good faith and believe me it is for a good cause."

M.L : "Please go and find Bush or Pol Pot, they probably will do a better job, YOU SICKO"

Hmmm interesting stories you have here. Wonder when TeeKee will start replying.

Revelation 22:7-21 (New International Version)

Jesus Is Coming
7"Behold, I am coming soon! Blessed is he who keeps the words of the prophecy in this book."

8I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. And when I had heard and seen them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who had been showing them to me. 9But he said to me, "Do not do it! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers the prophets and of all who keep the words of this book. Worship God!"

10Then he told me, "Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, because the time is near. 11Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile; let him who does right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy."

12"Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done. 13I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.

14"Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. 15Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.

16"I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you[a] this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."

17The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.

18I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book. 19And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.

20He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon."
Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

21The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen.

TeeKee said:

Revelation 22:7-21 (New International Version)

Jesus Is Coming
7"Behold, I am coming soon! Blessed is he who keeps the words of the prophecy in this book."

8I, John, am the one who heard and saw these things. And when I had heard and seen them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who had been showing them to me. 9But he said to me, "Do not do it! I am a fellow servant with you and with your brothers the prophets and of all who keep the words of this book. Worship God!"

10Then he told me, "Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this book, because the time is near. 11Let him who does wrong continue to do wrong; let him who is vile continue to be vile; let him who does right continue to do right; and let him who is holy continue to be holy."

12"Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done. 13I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.

14"Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. 15Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.

16"I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you[a] this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star."

17The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life.

18I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: If anyone adds anything to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book. 19And if anyone takes words away from this book of prophecy, God will take away from him his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.

20He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon."
Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.

21The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen.

Click to expand...

The Book of Relevation actually refered to the Jewish revolt in 66AD -73 AD. The 666 is prediction of something going to happen around 66 AD and the other '6' refer to the 6th Roman Emperor. So it is like predicting something no good is going to happen when Roman installed their 6th Emperor, and this refer to the Jewish revolt in 66 AD.

Someone changed the texts in the book to 'all present tenses' and make you believe something is going to happen in the future, and 2,000 years later still waiting for something to happen?

Something interesting about the way Book of Relevation was written. It contained TAU (last word of Hebrew alphabet) see the first letter of each chapters; and it contained 22 chapters (22 letters of the Hebrew alphabets). It was wriiten in such a way which has some hidden messages or codes for us to deciple one day.

Read Psalm 119 which makes up the 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabets, and each Chapter contained 6 similars (repeated) words; one is law; another is precept; you go find out the rest. Why?