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To be or not to be a virgin?

metalslug

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http://www.edvantage.com.sg/edvanta...nion/444600/To_be_or_not_to_be_a_virgin_.html

To be or not to be a virgin?

Sheryl Chieng | The Star/Asia News Network | Sun Aug 29 2010

For most young people these days, it is no longer an issue but many still believe in having sex only after marriage.
WHAT people do behind closed doors is none of anyone's business.

So says Jo Tey who believes the younger generation today should not be judged on whether they are virgins or otherwise.

For Esther Soh, however, virginity means honouring a promise to God as well as a gift only her husband will receive.

Teh and Soh, both 22 and fresh graduates, are among 50 urban youths aged between 18 and 30 who were interviewed on whether virginity is an issue among young Malaysians today. About 70 per cent responded that it should not be one.

Henry (not his real name) respects people who believe in virginity but claims it will not be a criteria in his seeing someone. He confesses that in his circle of friends, being a virgin is something "despised".

The 30-year-old businessman feels virginity has lost its relevance as it is no longer a criteria in getting into a relationship or a marriage.

Lee Xin Ying, 22, an intern at a government hospital in KL, concurs, saying people today should not expect their partners to be virgins.

But she is strongly against double standards in a relationship where "some guy may have sex with multiple partners but expects his future wife to be a virgin".

Lynn, 25, argues that virginity is still relevant because Malaysian youths are still not well-informed on sex and thus not ready for the responsibilities that come with it.

She, however, does not agree with the perception that a non-virgin, especially a female, is "bad" or "damaged goods".

"Whether a person is forced into sex, made a wrong decision or is ready to take the relationship a step further, there is no reason to stigmatise someone," she says, adding that religion is another main reason why virginity remains a relevant issue.

Mandy, 22, thinks premarital sex is avoidable although she admits it is not easy holding on to values which go against the popular trend.

"It always comes back to what these values mean to me," she says.

Consultant psychologist Valerie Jacques notes that the importance of virginity is declining due to poor family values.

"Children's basic needs are not being met by money-minded parents. As such, they are drawn to people who use words such as 'I love you' or 'If you love me, then you will give yourself to me' tactics.

"This is a sign of poor self-esteem and confidence, poor self-image and identity. A person with positive esteem, confidence, image and identity will make good choices that bring benefit to themselves and not cause harm. The issue of virginity is then considered in terms of what will bring benefit to the individual who can lose it."

Focus on the Family (FOF) director Ho Kien Keong concurs.

"Most youngsters nowadays think love means sex. Love is a choice," he asserts.

He is concerned that many youngsters see sex as a physical act; one that is as common as eating.

"The physical act stops half an hour later, but consequences last forever," he warns.

In FOF's "No Apologies" pro-abstinence workshops, he adds, teenagers are made aware of the consequences of their actions.

Out of 13,588 secondary school students who attended the "No Apologies" workshops and participated in the FOF survey between 2003 and 2009, 35 per cent found sex before marriage acceptable, citing curiosity and experience as main reasons for the answer.

After attending the workshop, 92 per cent believed sex after marriage is the best choice and signed pledges of abstinence. The respondents are from both rural and urban schools.

FOF executive director Lee Wee Min stresses on the importance of parental support in passing on values to their children.

"When parents fail to connect with their children, what we say becomes negative and they rebel. If we do manage to connect, however, it makes a huge difference," he adds.

According to Lee, the media has also shaped perceptions.

"The limelight is on sensational cases, creating a new moral compass for the public. A happy 50-year marriage would not make the front page. It is all about yardsticks," he explains, adding that parents are also increasingly desensitised by the media.

Lee claims he has been challenged by parents who say things such as "Since my son is going to have sex anyway, I'd better teach him how to do it the right way".

"Society nowadays is shortsighted, focusing on the now and putting consequences at a distance. People must be aware that willingly giving away your virginity is an issue."

Lee encourages youths to hold on to their values and beliefs.

"Your friends might make fun of you, but you have the right to say no."
 

Queen Seok Duk

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Henry (not his real name) respects people who believe in virginity but claims it will not be a criteria in his seeing someone. He confesses that in his circle of friends, being a virgin is something "despised".

The 30-year-old businessman feels virginity has lost its relevance as it is no longer a criteria in getting into a relationship or a marriage.

If Henry really believes in what he says, then he should not be afraid to reveal his real name.

And how can Henry respect people who believe in virginity when the very belief that these people subscribed to is deemed irrelevant by Henry ?

Just how would Henry feel if it transpired that Henry's mother had slept with many men before marrying his father ? Would Henry still respect his mother ?

Virginity has lost its relevance ? It depends on the object of the relevance. If Henry is the object, of course virginity has no relevance. Virginity has lost its relevance to passion and desires.

Henry may not aware, virginity is still very relevant to morality. So has Henry lost his relevance to morality ?
 

jw5

Moderator
Moderator
Loyal
These youngsters are out of touch with society.
The question these days is not "To be or not to be a virgin?"
The hip question is whether to go for hymen reconstruction surgery.
 

BuiKia

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
I think many are okay if the wife is not a virgin but not acceptable if the wife had been sleeping with random men without any feelings before marriage.
 

Royalblood

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Loyal
Girls should not underestimate the value of their virginity.

Women's virginty is worth a whole lot than men's.

Not trying to be religious or what, but i would be so so happy if my future wife turns out to be a virgin! :biggrin:
 

jw5

Moderator
Moderator
Loyal
Girls should not underestimate the value of their virginity.

Women's virginty is worth a whole lot than men's.

Not trying to be religious or what, but i would be so so happy if my future wife turns out to be a virgin! :biggrin:
It's likely that you will either remain single or be not so happy.
Not trying to predict anything, just being realistic.
 

Royalblood

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Loyal
It's likely that you will either remain single or be not so happy.
Not trying to predict anything, just being realistic.


hahaha i am actually aware that the chances of getting a virgin bride in today's society is almost zero. That's why if i am lucky to get one i would be so so happy and treasure her forever la!
 

drifter

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
There are things that money can never buy. Why must u attach a dollar value to everything?

U so hard up for money or what!?



yes , Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop. :rolleyes:


Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people inthe world If I'm not there, I go to work.
and i know what distinguishes man from other beasts , financial worries. It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich.
always remember , Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. :wink:
 

Royalblood

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yes , Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. Whoever said money can't buy happiness didn't know where to shop. :rolleyes:


Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people inthe world If I'm not there, I go to work.
and i know what distinguishes man from other beasts , financial worries. It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich.
always remember , Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime. :wink:

The way u put it, u seem to suggest that all people in this world care alot about money to the extent that they are slave for their money :rolleyes:

Money is important, but it follows a concave curve. Once u reach a certain level of wealth, no amount of money can make u any happier....... then u start to look at more intangible things to make u happy

So either u have not reach that point yet, or u are just one of those slave for the money. Get a life mate, there are many fun things in life that can be done on a budget, dun work ur ass off just to feed the bank and end up with no time to enjoy the fruit of ur labour.

Also, i wish to correct you that not everyone in this world cares so much about money and material welfare. U need to travel more often to realize that there are also people who lead very very happy lives with minimal material welfare.
 

drifter

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
The way u put it, u seem to suggest that all people in this world care alot about money to the extent that they are slave for their money :rolleyes:

Money is important, but it follows a concave curve. Once u reach a certain level of wealth, no amount of money can make u any happier....... then u start to look at more intangible things to make u happy

So either u have not reach that point yet, or u are just one of those slave for the money. Get a life mate, there are many fun things in life that can be done on a budget, dun work ur ass off just to feed the bank and end up with no time to enjoy the fruit of ur labour.

Also, i wish to correct you that not everyone in this world cares so much about money and material welfare. U need to travel more often to realize that there are also people who lead very very happy lives with minimal material welfare.




travel more often ? thats a joke you cant use on me ( when i was young , i bagpack around the world for 2 years , now i staying in japan for good , and i travel at least 6 times a year for business ) :wink: .

of course , people care about money ..if not why all parents ask their children to study hard so that could get a good job , to get a "good job" means what ? dont act if you are so noble , when you are not .

"there are many things in life that are done in a budget " oh yes ? then you might as well join those malay in east-coast "camping " every weekends . or play music under void deck . sorry , im not into those stuff , and i believe that those malay also dont want to spend their poor weekends doing those silly things if given a choice . the only time when people say that money cannot buy everything is giving themself excuse that it is ok to be poor and lazy . :biggrin:

no time to enjoy fruit of my labour ? im enjoying every single moment of my life right now ... :smile:The highest use of capital is not to make only more money, but to make more money to do more for the betterment of life.


Poverty is a great enemy to human happiness , it certainly destroys liberty, and it makes some virtues impracticable, and others extremely difficult .
 

Royalblood

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Loyal
travel more often ? thats a joke you cant use on me ( when i was young , i bagpack around the world for 2 years , now i staying in japan for good , and i travel at least 6 times a year for business ) :wink: .

of course , people care about money ..if not why all parents ask their children to study hard so that could get a good job , to get a "good job" means what ? dont act if you are so noble , when you are not .

"there are many things in life that are done in a budget " oh yes ? then you might as well join those malay in east-coast "camping " every weekends . or play music under void deck . sorry , im not into those stuff , and i believe that those malay also dont want to spend their poor weekends doing those silly things if given a choice . the only time when people say that money cannot buy everything is giving themself excuse that it is ok to be poor and lazy . :biggrin:

no time to enjoy fruit of my labour ? im enjoying every single moment of my life right now ... :smile:The highest use of capital is not to make only more money, but to make more money to do more for the betterment of life.


Poverty is a great enemy to human happiness , it certainly destroys liberty, and it makes some virtues impracticable, and others extremely difficult .


Great you just prove to me that you are one of those slave for the money kind of people! Thanks!

Yea, even if u have travel alot, i believe u went to all the wrong places given ur materialistic mentality. So, 2years to where? Material world!? Biz trip, big deal!? I'd be very surprise if u actually have free time to jalan jalan while u r on biz trip and most likely u are going back to the same place over and over again! No wonder u have not seen how people can be happy without much money while others are never happy even though they have all the money in the word....

Get a gripe mate, i am not acting noble at all. Why are associating me with those parents who force their kids to study hard for money!?:rolleyes:
I am just living life the way i want it to be. Rich enough money to spend on my hobbies and spare cash for the rainy dollars. I don't want to be super rich, i rather be time rich and have more times for my hobbies. U are the contrary, u just want money....what a no life loser who needs money to make urself feel better! hahaha

Again, ur materialistic mentality destroys the meaning of doing things on a budget. Doing things on a budget can be a new experience and an adventure itself, especially in travelling. People like u who only focus on material well being will nv understand.

Let me put it to you this way, u mention that: "the only time when people say that money cannot buy everything is giving themself excuse that it is ok to be poor and lazy ."

Why not think about it this way, people only care so much about money when they are so damn poor or they are just simply materialistic beyond words can describe such that they feel money can buy everything.
 

Queen Seok Duk

Alfrescian
Loyal
hahaha i am actually aware that the chances of getting a virgin bride in today's society is almost zero. That's why if i am lucky to get one i would be so so happy and treasure her forever la!

You, man of little faith.

What is your basis of saying chances of getting a virgin bride in today's society is zero ?

Men who married virgins will not say to others there are no virgins because to say that will definitely contradict their personal experiences.

You're definitely mixing around with the wrong group.

If today 100 babies are born in KK Hospital, 50 are boys 50 are girls. 20 years later if each of the 50 boys tells you there are virgin based on their experience, then you should start worrying. Because it means all 50 girls have been makan. If all 49 boys tell you there are NO virgins, then it's time to rejoice. It means all 50 boys screwed the same girl. There are still 49 virgin girls in the basket.

Nobody holds the statistics to the number of virgins available in the society. All females are born virgin, so if a male tells you there is no virgin, indirectly he is telling you, if he is married, that his wife wasn't virgin when they married. If he is not married, that's because he hasn't screwed a virgin.

How do men hide their shame of not having the pride of marrying a virgin girl ? Easy. Just claim that there are no more virgins, even when they clearly don't have the statistics to corroborate. It's sour grapes in a nutshell.
 

drifter

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
Great you just prove to me that you are one of those slave for the money kind of people! Thanks!

Yea, even if u have travel alot, i believe u went to all the wrong places given ur materialistic mentality. So, 2years to where? Material world!? Biz trip, big deal!? I'd be very surprise if u actually have free time to jalan jalan while u r on biz trip and most likely u are going back to the same place over and over again! No wonder u have not seen how people can be happy without much money while others are never happy even though they have all the money in the word....

Get a gripe mate, i am not acting noble at all. Why are associating me with those parents who force their kids to study hard for money!?:rolleyes:
I am just living life the way i want it to be. Rich enough money to spend on my hobbies and spare cash for the rainy dollars. I don't want to be super rich, i rather be time rich and have more times for my hobbies. U are the contrary, u just want money....what a no life loser who needs money to make urself feel better! hahaha

Again, ur materialistic mentality destroys the meaning of doing things on a budget. Doing things on a budget can be a new experience and an adventure itself, especially in travelling. People like u who only focus on material well being will nv understand.

Let me put it to you this way, u mention that: "the only time when people say that money cannot buy everything is giving themself excuse that it is ok to be poor and lazy ."

Why not think about it this way, people only care so much about money when they are so damn poor or they are just simply materialistic beyond words can describe such that they feel money can buy everything.


now we know you are just plain lazy and poor ..

travel to the wrong place ? i been to all of asia ( yes ,and i mean ALL the third world country in asia , and 40% of eroupe during my 2years . i sleep in bagpacker inn as cheap as $5.00 a night in asia .

you assume that i ddnt have time to walk around when having my business trip? for your information ,i enjoy most of my business trip with my wife . if i feel that if i want to stay extra day in my trip and i would ..i dont have to tell anyone .

i have been very vey poor , and i know how it feel ,im glad im out of it now ..so when is your turn ?:wink:

hobbies dont need money ? i collect timepiece ( wonder if you know what is that :rolleyes:) , i snowboard once a week in nagano during winter ( $400 a trip for one couple ) and i do sufing in chiba once a week during summer ( just spend $150 per couple , if you are poor you cant even spend that ) . everything need money !!!

you are telling us you dont want to be super rich ? what a joke !!! " Money costs too much " for you ? :biggrin:
 

drifter

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
You, man of little faith.

What is your basis of saying chances of getting a virgin bride in today's society is zero ?

Men who married virgins will not say to others there are no virgins because to say that will definitely contradict their personal experiences.

You're definitely mixing around with the wrong group.

If today 100 babies are born in KK Hospital, 50 are boys 50 are girls. 20 years later if each of the 50 boys tells you there are virgin based on their experience, then you should start worrying. Because it means all 50 girls have been makan. If all 49 boys tell you there are NO virgins, then it's time to rejoice. It means all 50 boys screwed the same girl. There are still 49 virgin girls in the basket.

Nobody holds the statistics to the number of virgins available in the society. All females are born virgin, so if a male tells you there is no virgin, indirectly he is telling you, if he is married, that his wife wasn't virgin when they married. If he is not married, that's because he hasn't screwed a virgin.

How do men hide their shame of not having the pride of marrying a virgin girl ? Easy. Just claim that there are no more virgins, even when they clearly don't have the statistics to corroborate. It's sour grapes in a nutshell.

he say that money is not important also sour grapes ....:smile:

A man should control his life.but his life is controlling him .:wink:
 
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