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Thread: Everybody Hates Scousers

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    Default Everybody Hates Scousers

    Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool
    A: Because if it walked, it would get mugged.



    Q: Doctor, doctor everytime I masterbate I start singing "you'll never walk alone."
    A: Dont worry sir, all wankers sing that.



    Rafa Benitez was caught speeding on the way to Anfield this morning.
    When questioned, he answered "I'll do anything for 3 points!"



    Q: What do you say to a Scouser in a suit?
    A: “May the defendant please rise”

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    A man arrives at the gates of heaven, where St. Peter greets him and says: "Before I can let you enter I must ask you what you have done in your life that was particularly good."

    The man racks his brains for a few minutes and then admits to St Peter that he hasn't done anything particularly good in his life.

    "Well," says St Peter, "have you done anything particularly brave in your life?"
    "Yes, I have," replies the man proudly.

    St Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery.

    So the man explains, "I was refereeing this important match between Liverpool and Everton at Anfield. The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play to go in the second half when I awarded a penalty against Liverpool at the Kop end."

    "Yes," responded St Peter, "I agree that was a real act of bravery. Can you perhaps tell me when this took place?"

    "Certainly," the man replied, "about three minutes ago."

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers


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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    There are 3 guys.

    1 is Hindu,

    The other is Jewish,

    and the last is Scouser.

    It's 4am in the morning on a bitter January Morning in a Merseyside Estate, the have nowhere to go, so they decide to chuck the shrapnel they have in their pockets together and fork out enough money to rent a night at a Holiday Inn.

    They find one a few miles south and enter the building, and after a few minutes an assistant comes out to the desk to attend to the 3 gentlemen.

    The Jewish man says, "Hi, we'd like 1 room with 3 single beds, just for the night."

    The man checks his computer for spare rooms, but has bad news for the 3 men.

    "I'm sorry lads but we only have 2 beds available in the room, but if you liked, 1 of you could stay in the barn out back?"

    The 3 men stare at each other blankly, they knew shortly that 1 of them would be sleeping in pig poo.

    After much arguing and debate, the Jewish man ends the argument by boldly saying:

    "Listen, I'll go out, no strings attached, I'll bloody well just get this over with."

    So the Jewish man sets up camp whilst the Hindu and the Scouser are going off to sleep, when suddenly, the hear a knock on the door...

    It's the Jewish man, he comes in and explains that there's a pig in the barn and that because of his religion, it makes him feel uncomfortable.

    There was no arguing, the Hindu graciously steps out of bed and offers it to the Jewish man whilst he goes to sleep in cow poo.


    As the Jewish man and the Scouser are getting ready for bed, they hear ANOTHER knock on the door, it's the Hindu.

    "Listen I'm sorry guys, but there's a cow in the barn, and because of MY religion, it makes me feel uncomfortable."

    After much mumbling and grumbling the Scouser storms out the room to the barn, and as they go to sleep, they hear a knock on the door...

    It's the cow and the pig.

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers


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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers


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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    There was a Liverpool fan with a really crappy seat at Anfield. Looking with his binoculars, he spotted an empty seat on the Half-way line. Thinking to himself "what a waste" he made his way down to the empty seat.

    When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?"

    The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Liverpool fan."

    The other man replied,"I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?"

    The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers


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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    Nativity Scene (Liverpool version)


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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2...e-rafa-benitez

    Ferguson claims Benítez displays total 'contempt'

    • Allardyce joins in attack on Liverpool's manager
    • Anfield sources laugh off 'co-ordinated' criticism



    A long time ago Rafael Benitez and Sir Alex Ferguson shared a joke but do not smile together now. Photograph: Neal Simpson/EMPICS Sport/PA Photos


    Sir Alex Ferguson, backed up by his close friend Sam Allardyce, launched a sustained attack on Rafael Benítez last night. The pair accused the Liverpool manager of being "arrogant," lacking "humility" and displaying "absolute contempt".
    Ferguson first criticised the Spaniard for dismissing Everton, Manchester United's opponents in tomorrow's FA Cup semi-final, as a "small club". He then alleged Benítez had openly taunted Allardyce during Liverpool's 4–0 defeat of Blackburn Rovers at Anfield last Saturday, making a provocative gesture to signal that the game was effectively over once the second goal was scored. "To get that kind of contempt, I don't think any other Liverpool manager in the past would ever have done that," Ferguson said. "But he [Benítez] is beyond the pale."
    The claims were ridiculed at Anfield where there is a strong suspicion that Ferguson and Allardyce, both of whom dislike Benítez, collaborated before their respective press conferences yesterday. "Rafa has laughed off what is clearly a co-ordinated attack on him," said a source close to the Liverpool manager.
    Allardyce, who looks up to Ferguson, also questioned Benítez's "humility", using similar language. "He [Benítez] opened his arms out and then crossed them over as if to say: 'That's it!' The gestures he made were dismissive to myself and to Blackburn Rovers," Allardyce said. "They were disrespectful and quite humiliating."
    Ferguson, who said he had not spoken to Allardyce and had seen it on Match of the Day, went further. "There's one thing with his [Benítez's] arrogance that you can't forgive and that is his contempt for Sam Allardyce last week. Did you see it? Absolute contempt! He went like that [crossing his arms back and forth] as if to say: 'Game finished!' I don't think Sam Allardyce deserved that. A guy who has worked so hard for the League Managers Association, looking after young managers and players, he didn't deserve that."
    Benítez is yet to respond but there is a sense of bemusement inside Anfield about the allegations and, in particular, why Ferguson has felt it necessary to get involved. Allardyce did not raise the issue after the match and Benítez says the only gesture he made was a self-deprecating one to Xabi Alonso because the goal had originated from the midfielder ignoring his advice at a free-kick.
    Benítez instructed Alonso and Emiliano Insúa to take a short free-kick and attack the Blackburn full-back, Keith Andrews, two versus one. Instead, Alonso whipped in a long ball that Fernando Torres headed beyond Paul Robinson and the Liverpool manager responded with a gesture to his players that apparently loosely translated as: "You were right. What do I know?"
    The TV pictures appear to support Benítez but Ferguson says there is a case to answer. "I saw it and I'm surprised nobody picked it up," he said. "I think you should respect a manager. I don't think you'd ever get me doing something like that - you won't. You have to have humility."
    Asked whether he had ever had any altercations with Benítez during games, Ferguson replied: "I've never had any of these issues like that. He's never done that – never had a chance." He went on to question why Benítez had insisted on having control of Liverpool's transfer business. "He has played himself into a powerful position. He wants control of all the transfers - for whatever reasons I don't know, but that's the last thing I'd want. Crikey!" There was also a thinly veiled swipe about Benítez 's recent criticisms of himself. "I don't know what he does in his spare time, but he's certainly not using it in the right way." Of Benítez's remarks in 2007 about Everton being a "small club", Ferguson added: "Irrespective of what Rafael Benítez says, they are a big club. He called them a small club, which just points to his arrogance."
    Allardyce, who described Benítez before last weekend's game as someone who "loves moaning and whinging" has not got on with the Spaniard since his time as Bolton Wanderers. He said: "I went to have a word with Benítez after the game but unfortunately and, as usual, he didn't turn up.
    "He probably was avoiding me and that shows you the measure of the man. It was a gesture that said to me: 'Finished, you're done.' He didn't do it directly at me, but it was more or less in my direction.
    "I've looked at it three or four times, I've taken all week to have a calm and clinical look at it. I can only be of the opinion that's what he meant by it. From someone of his standing I'd expect better – but that's the way the man is. He needs to show a bit of humility."

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    I'm not a big Fergie fan, but I would have to agree with him on this occasion.
    The gesture made by Benitez after the second goal against Blackburn and the smirk on his face were bordering on contempt.
    I have no respect for this man, unlike managers of the past like Bob Paisley and King Kenny.

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    Merseysiders are not known for having any class and it seems like King Penguin Rafa has picked up some bad habits from his fans

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    Question: What do liverpool fans do when they win the Premiership?




    Answer: They turn off the PS2 and go to bed

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    I remember reading before the weekend games about how if Arsenal beat ManU, the League will prepare two trophies to be sent to both Pool and Man U last matches so that the final champions can celebrate.

    The funniest thing was a fan remarking that at least Pool will get to see the trophy for 90 minutes before they pack it up again. wahaha

    Now they dun even have 90 minutes.
    Have a better day tomorrow!

    I appreciate reputation points but please do not expect me to give back in return. I only give for quality posts. Cheers!

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    Last time LoserFool were league champions:

    1. The Gulf War hadn't happened. No one had heard of Saddam Hussein
    2. Lee Kuan Yew was still the Prime Minister
    3. There was no internet
    4. Most PCs ran on DOS
    5. A mobile phone was exceptionally rare and about the size of three laptops and weighed a ton.
    6. English clubs were still banned from Europe.
    7. Madonna was No1 in the UK singles chart with "Vogue".
    8. Julia Roberts was about to make her big break in "Pretty Woman"
    9. Wayne Rooney was 4 years old.
    10. There were no digital cameras.
    11. There were no DVDs.
    12. Gazza hadn't cried yet.
    13. Chris Waddle still had a mullet.
    14. Nelson Mandela had only just got out of prison
    15. Officially, there was still East and West Germany.
    16. James Bond was currently being played by Timothy Dalton
    17. That dipstick Gall-inflatedEGO was not born yet!

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    Quote Originally Posted by Wayne Piew View Post
    6. English clubs were still banned from Europe.
    And why were English clubs banned in the first place ...... ??

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    one of those liverpoo dogs robbie 'pissing dog' fowler tried his darnest to improve his club's image eons ago in a game at highbury where he told the ref david semen didn't touch him and so refused the penalty given. having done all that, he promptly whacked it into the net. scousers!

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    Quote Originally Posted by yansen84 View Post
    one of those liverpoo dogs robbie 'pissing dog' fowler tried his darnest to improve his club's image eons ago in a game at highbury where he told the ref david semen didn't touch him and so refused the penalty given. having done all that, he promptly whacked it into the net. scousers!
    he didn't whack into the net
    his penalty was saved, and steve mcmanmaman collected the rebound and scored.

    am i right?

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    Default Re: Everybody Hates Scousers

    Quote Originally Posted by acm-28 View Post
    he didn't whack into the net
    his penalty was saved, and steve mcmanmaman collected the rebound and scored.

    am i right?
    oh yes you're right, please pardon my poor memory. my point is he had a go at semen, whereas anyone else who did all that 'foreplay' would have hit it far and wide.

    contrast that with di canio, who picked up the ball with his hands at the edge of the penalty area with a clear goalscoring chance when he saw the fallen keeper.

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