'I don’t regret joining a cheating website. The sex was exhilarating’
For one married woman, a dating website for people seeking affairs was exactly what the doctor ordered
'I wanted to have an affair and I looked for ways to make it happen'' Photo: Getty
6:00AM BST 02 Oct 2015
When the news broke about the Ashley Madison hack, I started watching social media intently. I read all the outraged comments from onlookers who are astonished that 33 million people would sign up to an extra-marital dating site and cheat on their partners.
I was particularly interested because I did it on a similar site, and got away with it. And it was one of the best experiences of my life.
Around seven years ago, I discovered Illicit Encounters after I read about it in a magazine. I couldn’t believe that there was a service offering exactly what I wanted. I’d been with my husband for 10 years, but I knew it was a mistake.
'I slipped into bed next to my husband and didn’t feel guilt, only exhilaration'
I’d done what many people of my age – late 40s – did, and settled for someone. My husband didn’t have the same sex drive as me, and I longed to find a partner who did. He rarely complimented me and I constantly sought attention elsewhere, even if it was just an admiring look.
I wanted to have an affair and I looked for ways to make it happen. Up until that point, I’d made do with chance encounters at work events or nights out with the girls, but they weren’t happening often enough for me.
I set up an Illicit Encounters profile while my husband was out one day. I used an image from my picture library – a colourful seashell – instead of a photo of me. When matches started to come through, it was incredibly exciting.
'My husband didn't have the same sex drive as me, and I longed to find a partner who did' Photo: Getty
My first Illicit Encounter was Hugh*. He seemed clever and funny, so I arranged to meet him in a bar one summer evening, telling my husband that I was out with work colleagues. Hugh was closer to 50 than the 40 he had said he was, but it didn’t matter – he was handsome and as smart as he’d been online.
We chatted over wine in a bar near London’s King’s Cross. He was articulate, well-educated and beautifully dressed, but he had a dangerous look in his eye. I was elated at the thought of my first encounter. He reassured me that we wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t comfortable with.
Then he took me to his office and we had passionate sex. When I went home that night, I slipped into bed next to my husband and didn’t feel guilt, only exhilaration.
I did it again and again – with Hugh and others, all intelligent, successful men who had no intention of leaving their marriages. The pre-sex drinks and dinners were almost as good as the sex itself.
For a while, I thought I could carry on being married to a nice but unexciting guy, and have my fun on the side. But eventually, after two years of using the site, my moral compass kicked in and I knew it wasn’t right, so I decided to leave my husband.
I’m glad to say that he found another partner relatively quickly, who he’s still with, and I’m very happy for him. Unlike him, I’m not looking for a life partner. I’m happily dating men who are younger than me and enjoying my freedom.
It’s important for me to seize the moments that I feel I’ve lost during those years of marriage. And I’ll never regret doing what I did, because it showed me what was out there before I made the leap.
