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The Glasgow Motel

Borat

Alfrescian
Loyal
Sex With Ghost?

A professor at the Brighton University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?' About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?' About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?' About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?' Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?' Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Ahmed, in all the years I've been giving this lecture no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
 

erection2015

Alfrescian (InfP) + C
Re: Sex With Ghost?

I know Ahmed...we liked the same goat :(

A professor at the Brighton University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, 'How many people here believe in ghosts?' About 90 students raise their hands.

Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?' About 40 students raise their hands.

That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?' About 15 students raise their hand.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?' Three students raise their hands.

That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?' Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.

The professor takes off his glasses and says 'Ahmed, in all the years I've been giving this lecture no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'

The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, 'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'

Ahmed replied, "Shit, from way back there I thought you said Goats."
 

Borat

Alfrescian
Loyal
!0 Pints Of Guiness

A Texan, visiting Ireland, goes into an Irish Pub, reaches in his pocket, and takes out 5 one-hundred dollar bills, places them in a stack on the bar and announces:

"I'm from Texas and I'll give $500 to any Irishman who can down 10 pints of Guinness without stopping!"

A general buzz emanates from the patrons. No one accepts the challenge, but the Texan notices that one Irishman gets up, passes by the Texan and exits the pub.

Since no one has accepted the challenge, the Texas pockets the stack of one-hundred dollar bills.

About 20 minutes passes and the Irishman re-enters the pub, walks up to the Texan and asks:

"Is the bet still on?"

"Sure", says the Texan, who reaches in his pocket and puts the stack of bills back on the bar.

The bar tender lines up 10 pints of Guinness on the bar and the Irishman proceeds to knock them back, one-after-another, without respite.

Astonished, the Texan hands the Irishman the $500, but says: "May I ask you a question?"

"Aye", replies the Irishman, "What is it?"

"Where did you go when you left the pub a while ago?"

"Why, I went to another pub to see if I could do it!" is the reply.
 

Borat

Alfrescian
Loyal
The madam opened the brothel door in Glasgow and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

"May I help you sir?" she asked.
"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive. There were no discounts. The price was still £5000.

Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie said to the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The man replied, " Edinburgh."

"Really", she said. "I have family in Edinburgh."

"I know." the man said. "Your sister died and I'm her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver your £15,000 inheritance in person"

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.

1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being Screwed by A Lawyer
 

Borat

Alfrescian
Loyal
A man and his wife quarrelled and had a fight. After the fight, the wife went into the bedroom. A few minutes later, the husband also trooped into the bedroom only to find the wife busy packing her suitcase.

He asked "You are packing! Where are you going??"
She answered..." To my mother!"

The man paused for a while and also got his big brown pure leather suitcase and started packing his clothes.The wife angrily stared at him and said "You are packing! Where are you going?"
He replied " Oh ya! I am going to my mother!"

The wife... "To your mother! And what about the children! Who is going to look after them?"

The man..."You are going to your mother! I am going to my mother and the children should also go to their mother"
 
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